Booking in love
by a-cup-of-tea-and-a-good-book
Summary: Modern college cs au. Emma Swan meets Killian Jones in a library and luck has it, they are looking for the same book. Can they put their walls down and go further than just figuring out how to share a book?
1. Prologue

**A/N:** First chapter of my new story guys, kinda short. Hope you enjoy. Little side-note: I received a prompt here by a guest asking for a college au about Killian meeting Emma's parents at christmas and I swear that was what I was planning on doing but my muse had other plans. I hope this isn't disappointment to you, but I promise Killian will meet Davind and MM at christmas some day, just not as her parents (kinda changed that too, sorry).

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Heavy rain was thumping against the windows of the library and the chilly fall draught when he opened the door to enter made her shiver as if it had gone straight to her bones. Everything was quiet and tranquil until then, but when he and his friends walked in, every single person around the room turned around to glare at whoever it was who was talking so loudly. The friends left and he moved towards the bookshelves. Emma rolled her eyes hard focusing on her book once more, a huff of aggravation falling from her lips. (_The nerve on some people!)_ A few minutes later he was standing right next to her, oddly observing her in a way that felt as if he was trying to stare a whole in her head.

"Can I help you with something or are you going to keep staring at-." She didn't manage to get to the end of that sentence when she looked up to find two impossibly blue orbs scrutinizing her face. Maybe he was loud, but his appearance was definitely not bothering her. Dark mussed hair, stunning azure eyes, bright grin on his face, dark stubble and_ fuck my life!_

"Sorry to bother you, love, but you seem to be holding a book I need." (_Oh, he had an accent…_) She turned her book around in disbelief to make sure he wasn't confused. She was studying history and sociology and had decided to write a paper on naval history in the US, so that was what the book was about. Little did she know, that was pretty much his major. Or that's what he explained to her in a few words.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I am trying to get information for a paper here, so I can't help you." She shrugged and she began to change her mind again. He was as intrusive, persistent and damn infuriating as she first thought he was. She kept refusing to give him the book, he kept insisting and she was becoming more and more frustrated with the whole situation.

"Come on lass, you won't actually let me make a special order for the book. We don't all bloody have the financial ability to do that!" he was fuming, she could see that, but so was she.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She was trying to keep it down, but she nearly shouted at that. He thought he knew her so well, well he didn't!

"Sorry, that was not what I meant, I… lass?"

She grabbed the book (she had already borrowed it anyway, there was a signed paper saying so) and stormed out of the library with thumping steps. There were rushed footsteps behind her and she let out another exasperated sigh as she heard his voice calling after her.

"Well, can't we at least compromise here?" he reached her, panting from all the running and grasped her wrist, making her turn around to face him. "Apologies, love. That came out wrong; I didn't mean to imply anything. But we could just study together. I can assure you my place is large enough if my fellow roommates are out." He added with a cheeky smirk and a wiggled eyebrow that made her roll her eyes again.

"Nice try, but I'm not looking for that right now, so thank you, but no thank you." She hauled her wrist out of his hold and she was ready to walk away once more, but his fingers returned to their soft clutch around it as he tried to give her a dashing grin (_which maybe he succeeded in doing_).

"I am merely talking about studying here, love. And maybe finding out your name so I know who I can shout for when you walk away from me again…" he was scornful and annoying and such an idiot, but she inspected him from head to toe and he didn't seem dangerous.

"Emma. Swan. My name is Emma Swan and if that's what you want, then we are meeting at the coffee house two blocks from here, not your place." She gave him a sarcastic smirk and turned around to leave throwing a "7 o'clock, don't make me wait" over her shoulder, almost missing his final words.

"It's Killian by the way. Jones." She snorted a something resembling a slight chuckle and continued her stroll back to her apartment.

-…

"Finally some good news here!" Ruby exclaimed once Emma told her about that Killian Jones she met at the library. Ruby and she had been roommates for quite some time. There was an ad about a roommate from their university, Emma didn't have the money to rent her own place, so she went to the interview Ruby was having and she chose her. They had taken the same major, so that was convenient, since they were also attending pretty much the same classes.

"Oh come on, the guy is a jerk." Emma sighed as she poured herself a glass of water. "I'm not even going to bother meeting him for coffee."

"Well, for such a huge jerk, you definitely found a lot of adjectives to describe his eyes…" Ruby raised her brow at her and Emma pouted, giving her an aggravated look.

"I just said blue and kind of cute and as a contrast to his annoying behavior, but that's not the point. I don't need or want him in my life right now, so I am simply not going." She took the book and her glass of water and paced to her room, arranging them on her desk and preparing herself for a long study. She could practically feel Ruby standing at her door, leaning against the frame.

"So you're going to study alone I guess. That's okay; I can find his number since you gave me his name and invite him over here." She spoke after some time.

"You wouldn't."Emma turned her chair around to face her, her heart pounding in panic (_because she knew Ruby, of course she would_)

"Well, you can go to that coffee place. Then I won't. Emma, you need to stop with these walls you put up. It's been two years since-"

"It's not even a date, he just wants the book." She interrupted her. He knew her friend meant well, but the slightest reference to her past made her stomach clench. Even talking about meeting that guy from the library sounded more appealing.

"Yeah, well, it certainly sounded like it." Ruby started searching through her wardrobe. "I am thinking a skirt would be great."

"I am not wearing a skirt to go have a cup of coffee with a stranger." Emma huffed burying her hands in the palms of her hands.

"A-ha! So you are going!"

"Do I have a choice?" She stood up; reaching for a plain scarf to add to the outfit she already had on and shut her closet closed.

"Nope."

-…

Emma had totally regretted everything by the time she was standing outside the coffee house. She wasn't even planning on going, but she eventually got sick of Ruby's irritating attempts to convince her and listened to her advice. She peeked through the glass window to see if he was there, maybe he wouldn't even care, but she spotted him at the back, a mug of coffee steaming in front of him. He was wearing a plaid shirt in a deep burgundy color and he seemed to be reading another book waiting for her. (_Damn he really did show up_.) She took a deep breath and walked in, slowly moving towards him.

"Swan! And there I thought you weren't going to show up." His face lit up when he saw her and he closed the book he was reading.

"Yeah, well, you needed that book so…" she snatched the book out of her bag and handed it to him. She waited silently for a second, but her past played in a quick replay in her mind and she couldn't do it. It was too much, too soon. "I am just going to find another subject for my paper." That was so not the plan, but maybe he wasn't that much of a jerk as she thought he was. She just couldn't afford to feel the slightest bit for anyone else and have her heart broken again. "You're welcome, Jones." She was ready to walk away once more; however he didn't really give her that choice, hauling her on her steps.

"Well that wouldn't be fair, now would it? That's not what I asked." He spoke, getting on his feet and wrapping his hand around her wrist. He looked straight into her eyes and she really couldn't handle that right now, all she needed was to focus on her studies, nothing more. No heartbreaks and complicated situations. She had had enough of that.

"Well that's what I am asking you right now." She muttered and walked away, sighing , not even bothering to look back. She had already left the book on his table.

-Fin


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys. New chapter up today. I just wanted to leave a little note and say how much I love all and every single one of you who read/followed/faved/reviewed. You are so amazing and I want to thank you so much! *virtual cupcakes and hugs***

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"Well that's what I am asking you right now." Emma muttered and she walked away from him as she had taken to doing since the moment they first met. Honestly, Killian didn't know why he was so fixated on the idea of meeting her. The last thing he needed was yet another person in his life to run away from him (something she apparently enjoyed so much). However, when he saw her walk in, all golden hair, pink lips and green eyes, his heart missed a beat. He didn't need that book, taking it somehow felt like depraving her of something that would satisfy her and that awoke a feeling of guilt in him he resented.

When he returned to his dorm, to his relief, none of his roommates were there. He just threw the book on the kitchen table, taking a seat and staring at it, as if that would change anything. It wouldn't and it didn't. He tried to figure out a way to reach out to her again, not really knowing why (perhaps because he needed to gaze into the green of her eyes one more time). Eventually, pouring himself a glass of rum, the familiar scent calming him down a bit, he grabbed a pen and wrote a small note in the first page of the book.

_Apologies, Swan. I return this to you as a peace-offering. If you ever need advice on how to improve your paper, I am always here to come to your dashing rescue._

He also noted the number of his phone right below. He would leave the book at the reception of the library next morning, just for the kind girl working there to give it back to Emma.

-…

"You did what?! Why couldn't you just sit there and have a cup of coffee, maybe even meet the guy?" Ruby was looking at Emma as if she had let her down and Emma just rolled her eyes at that. She never had over interested parents or friends or anything, so all this felt like a weight on her shoulders. Sure Ruby meant well, but all Emma wanted was to snuggle into her favorite armchair with a fluffy blanket and forget she even attempted to approach Killian.

"Well, what do you expect me to say right now, Ruby? It was stupid going there in the first place anyway, so I just changed my mind." She removed her jacket and scarf and sank in a chair in their kitchen, brushing her fingers through her hair. Ruby just shook her head at her in disgruntlement and stood there fixing her stare on her.

"I expect you to go back to what you always do, Emma. Run away from everything and everyone who try to win even the smallest place in your life. Neal ruined you for real. I can finally see it, because now, you can't even have a cup of coffee without worrying that the man next to you is just like him. Well, here's the thing, you didn't even give the guy a chance! If you think that loneliness is the cure to your scars, then fine, do whatever you want, but don't expect me to agree with you." She turned around and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Emma an emotional wreck.

She was right, she knew it. But pushing everyone away was what she did. She didn't know Killian and, frankly, she didn't want to know him either. She shut her eyes closed, resting her forehead against the palms of her hands and the image of his stunning face flashed before her again. His bright blue eyes still gleamed in her memory making her own burst open. No! This was not a choice. She was never going to see him again anyway, which she regarded as a good thing, so no more thinking back to the hardly any moments she spent around him.

(She fell asleep on her couch, the light of the TV the only thing brightening the dark room, her dreams haunted by all the people who ever broke her heart, beams of blue orbs sparkling in her mind every once in a while.)

-…

Next morning, Emma revisited the library to find another book for her paper. Turns out, she didn't need to. The receptionist returned the book, telling her to make sure she checks out the dedications page with a teasing wink.

_Apologies, Swan. I return this to you as a peace-offering. If you ever need advice on how to improve your paper, I am always here to come to your dashing rescue._

Moron. He had even left what appeared to be his phone number. All she wanted was to get some sort of closure from all that. A sarcastic, invasive guy with a vast amount of over confidence was the exact opposite of what she needed (the sturdy body, dark hair and blue eyes were something she tried to ignore). She took the book, in fact having to buy it since it had been written on (idiot), and stormed out of the library, fuming. She later realized (over a glass of merlot and a bowl of chocolate fudge ice cream) she wasn't angry at him as much as she was at herself for actually wanting to call that number and rain check for that dreadful sort-of-date-slash-failure they never had.

(It took another couple of glasses for her to rip the page off and throw it in the trash can and a fourth glass for her to take the garbage down and throw it away.)

-…

Emma's life moved on as normal after the day she took the book back and threw Killian's note away (Ruby never found out about that). She finished that paper and turned it in right on time for Christmas-break, winning some rest-time for her efforts until she had to go back to class. Killian faded (almost) from her mind after some time, allowing her to continue living her life as it used to be. For some time at least…

Emma never had a family, or anyone for that matter, to spend Christmas with. These past four years, however, she had met friends who practically became her family. Mostly, this little "family" consisted of Ruby, along with her older brother, David, and his wife, Mary Margaret. Ever since she met them, she finally felt like part of something, all of them treating her as if she was another sibling and she felt blessed for that. Taking all things into account, Christmas finally became a celebration she enjoyed.

This year, like any other, David and Mary Margaret threw another one of their annual Christmas parties at their place, having friends over for a quiet get-together or dinner or whatever they liked to call it. Emma had grown somewhat fond of these parties. She loved the Christmas ambiance, the lights of the tree sparkling in the room, the scent of turkey, gingerbread and cinnamon and the warmth of feeling like at home. Everything was glowing with Christmas sparkle, helping her loosen up. Of course, in the end, she ended up detaching herself from the general crowd and discreetly watching everyone. She always loved to do that. Gaze at people smiling, noticing how happiness can make everyone different, brighter if possible. David approached her a few times, but she just said she'd be back in a while.

There was a knock on the door much later than expected, making Emma jump at the sudden interruption of the typical flow of the party. David stood up to open, throwing a surprised why-are-you-still-standing-there glance right before.

"Hello Dave!" _No._

"Killian! You're back from England!" _This can't be… when did he even go to England and why is he back?_

"Aye, it appears I am. Long time no see, mate." Killian and David were throwing greetings at each other, a short hug exchanged, before Killian moved to hug Mary Margaret and Ruby who were already up, waiting to welcome him. Emma, practically gaping, tried to hurriedly disappear in the darkness of one of the back rooms, terribly failing when she knocked a lamp down with her rushed, sloppy movement. _Shit._ Killian turned around, noticing her then for the first time, pure shock drawn on his face.

"Swan?"

Emma could not deal with that. She turned around and rushed to the bathroom, shutting the door raucously behind her. Her head, bumped against it as she struggled to catch her breath, heartbeat racing increasingly. She felt his knocks on the firm wood aligned with her back, her fingers moving to pinch the bridge of her nose. _Double shit._

"Swan, come on, I saw you walk in here. No need to worry, love, I don't bite." The sarcastic tone of his voice rang an alarm inside her, her walls rising once more. She took a long breath, lavender air freshener filling up her lungs, and grabbed the knob.

"May I help you with something?" she opened the door with a swift swoosh and a snicker, as her eyes locked with his (still as blue as she remembered). Her heart was still pounding like crazy, a heavy staccato against her ribcage and damn, it had been a long time since she had found that note.

"You tell me, love. Are you going to run away again? Alas, my sneakers are still sitting neglected at home." _Obnoxious. Concentrate, Emma._

"Well, in case I haven't been clear enough already, I am in no need for a "dashing rescue"" Emma glared at him, not allowing herself to think of how great his mussed hair would feel against her fingers, maybe if she tugged a little, maybe as his head lowered, pressing small kisses down her stomach and- _no, just no!_

"Ah, so you did receive that message. It was really hard to tell since I received no feedback. Apologies then." She expected him to keep throwing his lines back at her, but this time he was the one to turn around and walk away looking truly dejected. Blue blue eyes looked away and, damn, she couldn't do that to him.

"Wait. Stop. I'm sorry; I don't know what got into me. How about we bury the hatchet?" she went after him hauling him on his steps, offering him her hand. He looked at her, a bitter grin on his face, sighing before placing his own hand in hers.

"Might I interest you with a glass of wine, milady?" his expression changed as he slightly curtsied, his other hand pointing to the direction back to the living room and she couldn't hold back a small snorted chuckle before following him for that glass of wine. (Oh what the hell, she had plenty of time to regret it later.) (He did have a dashing grin)

To her surprise, the rest of the evening went pretty smooth. They returned to the living room, chatting cheerfully with David, Mary Margaret and Ruby about how England was and what Killian had been doing the entire time with his studies. Emma recalled Killian talking about needing the book for studying. She ended up finding out he was on the first year of studying for a PhD in history, a grin curling up on her lips (she was still trying to get her bachelor degree).

They all seemed taken aback by the fact that Emma and Killian knew each other, but only Ruby really was acquainted with the whole story. Emma asked her when she had the chance, somewhere in the back of the kitchen, eying her cautiously. She just rubbed the back of her neck, muttering something about 'yeah well, I thought he and you should give it a chance' and Emma glared at her at that.

"So how do all of you know him?" Emma asked playing indifferent and absolutely failing, as she took another bottle of wine from the wine holder (everyone was asking for more wine so she offered, grabbing Ruby's arm and taking her with her).

"He and David went to high school together. He kind of became a family friend." Ruby shrugged, averting her gaze.

"And what about England? Why was he in England?"

"He had to go back after his brother…" she paused there for a moment, turning around to face her. "You know what? People are waiting out there… we should probably go." Ruby's face fell with that question as she started to mumble incoherent things to change the subject. Emma's brow quirked.

"What happened to him Ruby?" Emma saw something changing in Ruby's eyes as she looked at her pleadingly.

"Emma, this really isn't my story to tell, so just forget about it. Okay?" Ruby snapped away and disappeared in the hallway, leaving Emma in the messy kitchen, a look of pure surprise on her face. _What just happened?_

When she walked back to the living room, David informed her Killian had just taken off and he was sending his kind regards. The questions of how, when and why were pouring after that, David acting the part of the protective father as always. She started with the book and ended up mentioning the note.

-…

**_Hello there Swan. Did you miss me yet?_**

Her phone buzzed on her night stand, the screen lighting up with his text and seriously, it was two in the morning! Not that she was sleeping, the nightmares wouldn't let her, so she was just watching TV in mute (Netflix really is a useful thing).

_Don't you have anything better to do at 2 am? And how did you even get my number?_

She was in the verge of ignoring him, but she didn't have anything better to do anyway, so she shrugged, typing her reply. If anything, she enjoyed mocking him like that. As long as he didn't ask too much.

**_You know how helpful Ruby can be and apparently, neither do you, love._**

She rolled her eyes hard at that-because of course he had a quick retort.

_I can't sleep-loud neighbors. You?_

**_Same. Penny for your thoughts? (or your neighbors if you prefer)_**

On the other hand, he probably did ask too much. She pressed the heel of her palm against her eye, eventually reaching her forehead and staying there to support her head.

_You think you know me that well then?_

**_Open book, love. You know, you should learn to trust people. Take a leap of faith and share if you want. _**

_It's nothing. Bad dream, can't go back to sleep, nothing important. Didn't you read that in the pages of my open book?_

**_Absolutely, but I'm not going to pressure you. You'll let me in when it's time. _**

Well, today certainly wasn't the day. She didn't want to share anything.

_Good night Jones._

**_I will wait, Swan._**

-…

On New Year's Eve, Mary Margaret had invited her over again. Emma was really planning on going, but with a runny nose, headache and a slight fever, it was impossible for her to even get out of bed. She asked Ruby to go and not spend New Year's at home, leaving David and Mary Margaret alone. Besides, she needed some quiet time to and sleep. Ruby left and Emma was finally able to rest. Her head was pounding and she was a mess, but she forced herself into the shower to feel better. Taking an Advil and a warm cup of tea, she returned to her bed. She was still suffering, but not as much as she did before. Her phone buzzed on the nightstand and she picked it up to find another one of Killian's texts. It had been a week since they last spoke.

**_Missing you here, Swan. Ruby told me, are you okay?_**

Of course he was at the Nolans' it made sense, he was a 'family friend'. She was surprised he even cared if she wanted to be honest. She had gone through many an illness, but even Neal never cared enough when they were together.

_Fever, headache, never been better. You? _

**_I've certainly been better. You know, illnesses are better with company._**

_Ruby shouldn't stay back and play nurse for me. I can take care of myself. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to try and sleep. Illnesses are much better with sleep as well._

**_Pleasant dreams then, love._**

(She fell asleep with a silly grin on her face.)

-…

When Emma woke up, she woke to the scent of soup and tea and a warm, solid weight next to her. Before she really registered what was going on, she let out a soft sigh, sinking more into what felt like a strong embrace. But then she realized something wasn't right there. The embrace smelled of spice and rum and something else that felt like home and when she looked up, she was shocked to find Killian in her bed gazing at her with a small grin.

"What are you doing? How the hell did you get in here?" She pulled out of his embrace and sat up, every muscle in her body protesting with the abrupt movement. She eyed him, flinching angrily, hand running absent-mindedly through her hair. He didn't seem to quail however.

"You're sick, Swan. You should rest; I simply brought some soup. Ruby says chicken noodle is your favorite, is she right?" His lips curled up into a wider grin and she just pressed her hand against her forehead, looking back at him, gaze locking with the steady blue of his as he handed her the big bowl of soup he had brought.

"She also gave you the key, didn't she?" Emma sighed, taking the bowl as he nodded a quiet yes. The soup wasn't that bad and her heart missed a little beat (maybe two) when she thought that someone decided to ruin his New Year's Eve to take care of her (especially because it was him). "Thank you." She muttered, taking another spoonful in her mouth.

"My pleasure, love."

He actually really helped, not just by bringing her soup and tea, but by being there and helping her change her pillows and blankets into a more comfortable pile of fluffiness and talking to her. At some point there were loud cheers coming from outside and they both assumed the year had changed. A glance at the clock on the nightstand confirmed that.

"Happy new year, I guess then." She smiled, eyes locking with hers.

"Happy new year, Emma" he whispered and before she knew it he had moved closer, pressing a feather light kiss on her forehead, before he slowly pulled back, the blue of his eyes boring into hers. She felt a shiver down her spine, her heart suddenly thumping in her chest and she averted her gaze. The atmosphere was suddenly much heavier and they remained quiet for some time, making everything much more uncomfortable.

"Why did you go back to England before Christmas?" Emma spoke after a while her eyes finding his again. She instantly noticed his discomfort when she asked, his expression turning gloomy in an instant.

"I… it's getting late, I should probably get going." He was suddenly standing, pacing up and down the room and then his stare landed on her. "I hope you are feeling better, Ruby will be back later, tell her I left the key under the rug outside your door. Goodnight, Swan." He muttered and left the room. Emma caught the light sound of the front door closing. Maybe she went a little too far with that question.

When she laid down more comfortably, turning the light off, she could still feel the warmth that had remained from his body on her sheets, along with his scent. She nuzzled closer to that portion of the bed, eyes fluttering closed and an odd feeling of guilt and sympathy sank in her stomach. He saw the lost boy at that moment and she didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but she needed to know what happened to him these past few months. She needed to help him.

(When she fell asleep, all she could see was dark hair, blue eyes and pain. So much pain.)


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello everyone. New chapter up, finally! I just wanted to thank all of you so much for reading/following/faving/reviewing. YOu are all so amazing and I love you to the moon and back. Sorry for any delays, my muse isn't always inspired and I am a bit busy lately, so...yeah. There's that. I hope you enjoy! *virtual hugs and baskets of muffins***

**P.S. Reviews make my day! :)**

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When Emma asked Killian about England, his stomach twisted. His palms clenched into a fist and he didn't even realize what he was mumbling until he had already hustled out her door. He fell against it with a subtle thud, burying his head in his hands. He wanted to trust Emma, let her in, but it was all too soon and maybe he shouldn't have kissed her (even on the forehead). He waited until he didn't have to worry about his heart bruising the inside of his chest, beats pounding too hard against his ribcage and he stood up. He thought about going in, perhaps apologizing for being so abrupt, but as he continued staring at the door, he realized he couldn't. He left half an hour later.

-...

Killian knew it was stupid to go back to sending text messages as he had before, but he didn't really know what else to do. It had been a week since the illness and the questions and now he realized what big of a moron he was to run off like that. He was once again wallowing in self pity with a glass of rum by his side, sinking deeper into the armchair in the living room. The TV was playing some random advertisement, lighting up the otherwise dark room and he noted that the apartment was as empty as his life at this point. After he left for England, his roommates moved out and he couldn't be more grateful for that. He needed some time alone, he couldn't have anyone around watching him grieve, taking pity on him. He hated that and he preferred to be alone. At least until he met Emma better. She was witty and strong and when he closed his eyes, his mind would always wander off to her. Deep, green eyes, blond hair falling on her shoulders like a golden halo and _bloody hell_, maybe she was a bit prickly, but when she grinned, even a little snicker, his heart lit up. The worst part is, he never thought of women like that. After Milah, every woman passing by was just someone to entertain him (his heart twitched at the thought of dark hair and big blue eyes, but it had been a long time and he didn't want to admit that he had started moving on after he tried so hard). Never could he find so many adjectives to describe a woman's beauty like that though. Her pink lips and how they always curl up when he says something silly, her brows and how she raises one when he makes a snarky comment. Everything. He took a sip from his glass and reached for his phone, cursing himself for being so weak.

**_Swan, are you there?_**

His heartbeat rose as he waited for her response, hand moving to pinch the bridge of his nose (Because, _really?_ All he had was are you there?) His fingers began tapping on the arm of the armchair, as a minute passed with no response. He took another sip, the usual burn of alcohol down his throat calming him down just enough to remain still.

_Hey._

When her reply made his phone buzz against his knee, he sighed out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. One step at a time Killian.

**_Love, I am terribly sorry for my behaviour. A lot has happened; it was hard for me to open up._**

_Yeah I know, I shouldn't have asked anyway. It's okay._

**_Are you feeling well now, have you recovered?_**

_Yes, in fact I have._

**_Good. Can we talk?_**

_Aren't we talking right now?_

**_You know what I mean, Swan._**

He took his own advice, took a leap of faith. Maybe he could finally have something. Maybe he could let someone in, trust her like he wanted her to trust him. He needed to let someone in. He needed that someone to be her.

_I don't know about that. I don't think it's a good idea._

**_You know, if you are done with that book I could definitely use it._**

_I can mail it to you. Or give it to David._

**_As you wish, love. No need to worry about me bothering you again, you have my word._**

She never replied.

Killian's phone was tossed to the armchair he was sunk in minutes ago and he instantly dashed to get his coat and rush out the door. Drinking alone at home was not enough for today. He had enough problems already, but that topped everything off.

-…

When Killian opened his eyes he could feel a sharp pain crawling up his back. It didn't take long for him to realize he had fallen asleep splayed on the kitchen floor. At least he had made it home. His head was pounding and he could see everything spinning around him as he tried to sit up and rest his head against the base of his counter. Blended memories from the previous night popped up in his mind in a fog. He texted Emma, she rejected him, he went to a bar. He could recall talking to people, flirting even. A lot. He left in the middle of a conversation with a blonde because she wasn't Emma and he walked home. _Sodding hell he was an idiot._

The clock of his oven read six pm and he was surprised he had been out for so long. It took him a few seconds to realize that the heavy hammering he could discern was actually knocks on the door. He stood and dragged himself all the way to the door, fingers rubbing his forehead as if that would scare the headache away. When he opened the door, Swan was on his doorstep, ready to knock once more. He could see the pure shock when she saw him. If he felt like shit, he probably looked like that too. His hand moved to brush through his ruffled hair as he locked his gaze with hers.

"Swan."

"Wow, you look…" She was still staring at him, eyes roaming up and down and he realized he was not wearing a shirt either. He shrugged, moving closer to her as he rested against the doorframe.

"Devilishly handsome? Charming?"

"Drained…" She met his eyes with hers, green and sad and he lost it, stirring backwards as he averted his gaze. He didn't need her pity of all things.

"Aye, well I just woke up from a very draining sleep." He glanced back up at her and wore his best smirk, forcing himself to ignore how stunning she looked today, as always. He didn't miss how her eyes rolled when she glimpsed at her watch to make sure she heard right. "Can I help you with something?"

"I believe you wanted to talk, isn't that right?"

"And what makes you think I want to talk now?" He quirked an eyebrow, waiting for her to run again. But, surprisingly, she didn't.

"The fact that you have been asleep until 6 pm."

He shifted to the side, allowing her some space to walk in and shut the door behind her, searching for a shirt.

-…

"So, what changed your mind?" They had been sitting in the living room (she was resting in his armchair and he was right across her on the coffee table), awkwardly facing the floor for a few minutes, completely speechless and it was driving Killian crazy already.

"I don't know, I thought I'd take a leap of faith and ask David where you live." Emma abruptly tore her gaze from the floor and her eyes found his, emptily staring. "I brought you the book." She took the book out of her bag and handed it to him, her arms returning back to their previous place, wrapped around her and she seemed as if she was preparing herself for another long period of uncomfortable silence.

"I'm assuming that paper went well?" he forced a grin, reaching for the book and holding on to it for a while before he stood up to place it in one of his bookshelves.

"I handed it in before Christmas break. I suppose it went well, I haven't been told yet." He noticed how her hand disappeared though the gold of her hair and began to brush at the nape of her neck. Her beautiful neck, which he was dying to rest kisses on, slowly savoring her, moving lower and lower and_-bloody hell was she distracting._

"Emma, why are you here?" He finally sighed, finding his previous place on the coffee table right in front of her. His heart missed a beat (or maybe two) when her eyes met his insistent gaze and he knew that look. He would recognize it anywhere. The look you have when you've been left alone.

"I…I was kind of abrupt last night and you said all these things about trusting you, I just thought I could try." her fingers started tapping a random tempo against her knee and his smile turned more genuine when he realized she finally wanted to talk. "And I mean, you were right not to open up to me that night. How could you trust me when you know nothing about me? I don't even know why I want to talk to you about this and…"

His hand found hers, stopping her movement, gently clutching in a reassuring gesture.

"What do you want to tell me, love?" She was so beautiful when she felt awkward, her cheeks blushing rosy pink, jade eyes searching through his to find some sort of understanding, the one he was so deeply trying to give her. She didn't pull her hand back and, although she surprised him, Killian regarded that as a good thing.

"When I was born, my parents left me on a sidewalk in Manhattan. I can't remember much, but even the earliest memories I have is from foster homes, so I guess social services found me. I was never adopted for a long time, I was different from what everyone expected, weird somehow. There were also times when the ones who wanted me were not, let's say 'parent material'. I was almost adopted four times and returned to the services, moving from foster home to foster home. The longest I stayed with a family was with the Swans', hence my last name is Swan. I… stumbled upon them today."

Emma was clasping Killian's hand as she spoke and he couldn't help but sympathize with her. She didn't deserve to have gone through all that. She deserved to be happy and have a normal life filled with love and he flinched when he saw the pain drawn on her face. He didn't know how to respond to that, how to make everything okay with words. He was all-too-aware words can do nothing when you have been this hurt.

"I'm sorry, love."

"I didn't exactly talk to them or anything, but I saw them passing by and they seemed so happy. Is it selfish of me that I hoped they had regretted giving me up? That maybe they missed me every once in a while?"

A tear streamed down her cheek and he felt as if his someone had a strong grip on his heart, the squeeze almost unbearable.

"Of course not. Emma, it was their bad they left you, not yours. And you know what? They missed the chance to grow a brilliant and bloody amazing person." His hand moved to sweep the tears beneath her eyes, thumbing a small circle against her cheek, before his conscience jumped in and he pulled away, settling for a caring look.

"My mother did not survive my birth. By the time I was a wee lad, my father was so appalled by how much I resembled her, he couldn't take it any longer and abandoned me and my older brother. Luck had it, he was ten years older than me, so I was not completely alone and I had someone to take care of me as I grew up. Liam was all I had." Killian watched as Emma's expression changed and altered into something entirely different from what he was used to, softer somehow. He despised talking about it and especially for what followed, but Emma was now the one firmly holding his hand, her thumb caressing one of his knuckles, so he relaxed and allowed himself to trust her. He huffed a small sigh, gripping her hand tighter to get some courage and continued. "He passed a few days after we met. That is why I was in England. He was on a car accident, had been in the hospital for about a month and then he died." Emma's eyes widened at that.

All of a sudden, he was aware of how close her face had been to his the entire time and although he expected to be shocked, he felt something more like relief when she leaned in and tenderly pressed her lips against his. It wasn't hard and bruising as he had imagined the first time kissing her would be. It was soft and sweet and meant to mend. She tasted like cinnamon and coffee and his hand crawled up to cradle her head, pulling her closer as her fingers brushed against his cheek. Their lips locked and she parted her lips just enough to give him access to deepen the kiss. Their movements grew more frantic, tongues exploring each other's mouth with more ferocity. He slightly stirred, peppering small, open-mouthed kisses on her jaw and down her neck, stopping at the base, almost in the crook it created with her shoulder, and buried his head there to breathe her in with a slight hum. _Breathtaking, bedazzling, a bloody goddess._

He slowly pulled away, his eyes finding the evergreen of hers and he was pleased to find the same dazed, hungry look in them.

"That was…" he murmured, still feeling the linger of her touch against his back and cheek.

"A one-time thing." she finished and he barely managed to hold back a gasp of mock shock, before deciding to wear a flirtatious smirk instead.

"Is it, now?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"That, love, is supposed to mean that if you wished to stay away from me, you would have a long time ago. Now may I offer you a drink?" She sank back into the armchair, nodding a small yes and he brightly, genuinely grinned as he walked over to the kitchen to bring glasses and a bottle of rum.

A couple of glasses later, they both started relaxing and feeling more comfortable around each other. Killian always did to be fair. He always felt there was something like a connection between them, but now it was different. This time she was opening up to him too. She told him more about the dreadful time she spent between foster homes, always trying to run, always having social services find her and bring her back to her misery (he welled up). He told her about growing up with only his brother after their father abandoned them, how he felt his entire world crumbling down to the announcement of his death and how miserable his time in England was when he went there a few months before (she welled up). They ended up doing shots, pretty much having to drink to the worst of their stories.

"The first time I fell in love was intense. Milah caught my eye since the first moment and everything was going smooth, we were together for about a year. She was mugged a few blocks down her house, while I was in there waiting for her. She was beaten to death. I bloody well know that insane ex of hers had something to do with it. I even tried to track him down, but then I realized that vengeance was not going to be helpful in any way. So he got away with it."

"The first time I fell in love I lost my mind. Neal was a thief and a heartless bastard. He dragged me down with him and we committed small thefts, I'm not very proud of that. One day he thought it would be smart to steal expensive watches. Long story short, I got arrested and he ran away while I went to jail. So I guess he got away with it. I was stupid enough to wait for him after that. He never came back."

"I'll drink to that!"

"Yep."

-...

When the amber liquid in the bottle almost reached the bottom, Killian could clearly see Emma's hesitation (well not really clearly, maybe a bit blurrily, but still). Her hands entwined and she started tapping against the skin of her knuckles. She seemed self-conscious and that was exactly how he felt. It hadn't been long since he had drunk so much (about 24 hours) and that wasn't good. But he shouldn't let her drive home in this state; he had lost enough people he cared about (cared about, wow!) already.

"Swan, would you take this the wrong way if I asked you to stay here for the night?" he gazed up at her, fixing his eyes on hers with a completely serious and totally trying-not-to-make-what-I-said-sound-like-an-innuendo look.

"Should I take it the way I just did or not?" she replied and he flashed a bright grin at her.

"I am merely suggesting that you should not drive after having all this rum, Swan. You can take the bed and I can sleep on the couch for tonight. How about that?"

"Maybe you're right. Let me crash at the couch however, I will feel more comfortable this way."

"I would never let a lady sleep on my couch love."

He gave him one of his T-shirts to sleep in and she kept the black leggings she was wearing, on. She was so stunning in his clothes. There was something really domestic about her walking around in his place, wearing his shirt and he had to admit, he liked it. She made the couch for him after insisting and then she turned to him with a soft, dopey grin on her face.

"Goodnight, Killian." She muttered and pressed a tender kiss to his cheek, before she made her way to his bedroom, closing the door behind her.

"Goodnight, Emma." He whispered to the shut door with gloomy eyes. He stared at the lean wood for a few minutes before he lay down, his eyes fluttering closed in an instant.

-…

He woke to a muffled, choked sob. He shifted lightly to take a glimpse at the clock on his wall. _Four in the morning. _For a moment, he had forgotten why he wasn't in his bed, confusion drawn on his face, as a shiver ran through his spine from the early-morning chilliness. But then images of the previous night flashed in his mind. _Emma, drinking, a kiss, two if the one on his cheek counted, a lot of shared moments. _He heard yet another sob coming from his bedroom and he was on his feet so swiftly, he had to lean against the sofa's arm to keep himself from falling. He could already feel the headache and dizziness of a hangover crawl upon him and he was well aware that he would feel even worse in the morning. Killian slowly paced to the bedroom, quietly opening the door and trying to spot Emma. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her elbows pressed against her knees, head buried in the palms of her hands. He could see her shoulders tremble through his so big shirt with every sob, a barely audible sound, something resembling a whimper, coming from her. She looked so vulnerable and small at this moment and his heart broke as she continued her crying her soundless tears.

Without a second thought, he walked up to her side, taking her into his arms and gently clutching her against his chest with every shuddering sob. At first he felt her jump at his presence, but then she let herself free in his arms, trying to choke down the sobs. He kept on murmuring reassuring words in her ear for a while, until she was perfectly still in his arms, apart from the serene rise and fall caused by her breathing.

Killian thought she had fallen asleep after a while and he slightly stirred, to remove her from his arms, before he carefully placed her in the bed and covered her with his sheets. He shot a sweet gaze at her and he could swear he had not seen a woman more beautiful in his life. He was right about to leave and let her continue her sleep, but as he was about to walk out, a hand hesitantly gripped his. He turned around and found Emma staring up at him with big sad eyes.

"Could you…stay?"

He didn't reply, just quietly crawled under the sheets and lay down behind her. His arm drew her in his embrace and he buried his head in her blond hair, breathing in her cinnamon-y scent. Killian let himself relax and his eyes slowly fluttered closed as she sighed in his arms. He drifted to the most peaceful sleep he had had in months.


	4. Chapter 3

**Hello my lovely cupcakes! I must say I didn't expect this story to be as liked as it has been. I want to thank each and every single one of you who followed/faved/reviewed, I love you guys so much. In a review, the lovely twiila1 suggested that Emma should stop running and I must say, I agree a lot. This being said, I should warn you that this is much fluffier than usual, however kind of shorter. Also smuff is included, just a little heads up. Enjoy ;)**

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The next morning, Emma awoke to a warm body pressed firmly against hers, wrapping her up in a cozy cocoon of safety. Letting out a small sigh of contempt, she allowed the welcoming feeling to seep in, sinking deeper into the strong embrace. She then realized where she was, as images of her crying and arms around her popped up in her mind. _Killian. She was in Killian's bed, in Killian's arms. _Her first reaction was to stiffen and think about running right that instant. But then she heard a soft, throaty hum and she just couldn't help turning around to look at him. He looked so peaceful and serene, unruffled by any problems, just breathing a slight snore, his chest rising and falling. There was sunlight coming from his window, the golden rays lighting his face up, making his thin stubble seem more auburn than the dark color of his hair. She remembered more clearly everything that happened the previous night now. She had been hurt in life, but so had he and if there was anyone who could understand her better, it was him. She realized she was wearing his shirt at that point, his unique, spicy scent enveloping her. Emma didn't run this time; she just snuggled closer and gazed at him until she drifted back to sleep. She had made her choice.

-…

She didn't even recall falling asleep again, but this time, when she opened her eyes, a pair of light blue orbs was focused on her features, adoringly watching her sleep. The urge to run was drowned by the inexplicable need to stay there forever. She tiredly grinned at Killian (her head was still pounding from last night's rum) who was now smiling back at her.

"Good morning, love." His voice was deep and husky, indicating that he had just woken up himself, making Emma's heart flutter at the melodic sound of it.

"Good morning." She replied, not moving even the slightest bit, simply staring at him for few more seconds.

"I can make breakfast if you want." He tried to come off as casual, but she could see the anticipation in his eyes. He was asking if she was staying or running away from him again. Well, he'd be surprised.

"Hmm, that sounds good." She muttered, shifting closer to him and placing her hand at the nape of his neck, tenderly caressing there, as his grin grew wider. Moving even closer she closed the distance between them and pressed her lips against his in a slow, sweet kiss. He remained still for a second; she knew he was shocked by her sudden change. He then returned the gesture with a low groan in his throat as he shifted to brush small kisses down her neck, focusing on her pulse point. Their movements started turning more frantic, hands everywhere, caressing, soothing. Her fingers found the hem of his shirt and she was ready to pull it off him, when he abandoned her neck and moved to rest his forehead against hers, the blue of his irises only a thin sliver around his widened pupils, lust clearly depicted in his eyes as they bore into hers.

"Emma, sweetheart, I don't know if you actually want this or..." He mumbled against her lips and she chuckled, because she knew exactly what she wanted. _Him._

"Trust me." She spoke clearly, so that he would realize how serious she was at this moment. "I do." Kissing him again, more passionately this time and he granted her the space to pull his shirt over his head, knowingly finding hers (his) and getting rid of it as well. She wasn't wearing anything beneath it, she was aware, but he wasn't. A look of pure surprise replaced by an indescribable hunger awoke in his eyes. His mouth returned to her neck, slowly making its way down to her chest and finally moving to one of her breasts. Emma felt a couple of open-mouthed kisses there and then he was sucking, his tongue doing incredible things to her, while his other hand found her other breast, slowly pinching and soothing and she couldn't breathe. Her back arched and all she was able to do was moan a light "Killian", heart beat raising unbelievably quick. Killian was now moving lower, leaving a trail of wet kisses on her stomach and his hands pulled her leggings down delicately, leaving her only in her underwear to his burning gaze. His lips were moving down her hipbone now until they snaked their way up her inner thigh and although she really wanted that, she wasn't quite sure yet.

"You don't have to, if you don't want." She whispered, her hands cupping his face and pulling it up so he was facing her. _Damn these blue eyes._

"Oh, trust me, my love, I bloody want to.' He replied in a low-toned voice, removing her panties agonizingly slow down her legs and then he was there. She could feel his breath against her for a few seconds and he was driving her insane. She bucked her hips once, giving him the opportunity he needed to stir between her legs and pull one of them over his shoulder. His mouth started teasing her and she couldn't help, but buck her hips along with the sure strokes of his tongue against her and it didn't take long for her to see stars when his fingers joined his mouth. After a while she was panting and writhing in his touch, her fingers brushing through his hair. There was a sound of stirring and plastic ripping and then he was right above her once more, pressing sweet kisses against her pulse point and in the crook of her neck, before he reached her lips. She now needed him even more, needed to feel him inside her, needed to see him fall apart with her.

"You are so beautiful, Swan." He murmured, his beautiful eyes locking with hers while his fingers brushed a stray curl of hair behind her ear. He pushed into her then, moving with slow thrusts and hitting that spot inside her again and again. His eyes wouldn't leave hers and at first she was scared of the intimacy, but then she reconsidered, realizing that, for the first time, she actually enjoyed it. Her heart was now pounding a quicker staccato against her ribcage, heavy sighs and soft moans escaping her mouth and she couldn't help stopping them. She saw his reactions as he increased his pace, how he bit his lip and closed his eyes every once in a while. The pleasure grew more and more and then she was there. His fingers found the spot right above where they were joined, thumbing small circles and all it took was another one of his groans and a 'let go, Emma, come with me' for her to fall off the edge, taking him along with her. His motions faltered a bit and he collapsed above her with a grunt, burying his face in her shoulder and breathing her in while he slowed down his thrusts until they were both spent and sated, just lying there trying to catch their breaths.

Killian hauled himself off of her and rested at her side, one arm wrapping around her and pulling her closer for another kiss. Right then, she didn't think she needed anything else to be satisfied. Everything was perfect.

"That was…" she hummed softly.

"If the end of that sentence is a one-time thing I will be fairly disappointed." He looked at her half-joking, half-serious.

"Definitely not a one-time thing" She finished and shifted closer to snuggle in his warm embrace. She meant it.

-…

They spent most of their morning in bed pretty much. It had been a long time since Emma had allowed herself to do just that and it felt wonderful. He was lying on his back and she was lying half atop of him, her head resting against his chest as she listened to the quick beat of his heart. They had tried to take a shower, but eventually it ended up in bed once more (it was both of them in the shower, they couldn't help it). There was this serenity, though, that Emma had missed and she needed to feel relaxed.

"You know, that breakfast doesn't sound that bad now…" she murmured pressing a soft kiss on his chest. When she looked up, his blue eyes were shining to the sight of her and he was brightly grinning.

"Aye, well, I am an excellent cook if I must say, sweetheart." She chuckled and hauled herself to a sitting position, muscles protesting to the abrupt movement, but eventually agreeing, to reach for his shirt and pull it on, without anything else covering her. She noticed how his eyes roamed from the bottom to the top of her, but he eventually stood up with a little groan as well and wrapped his arm around her waist as they paced to the kitchen.

If she was honest with herself, she never thought it was possible that he cooked so perfectly. She helped too, but he did most of the work. By the end of their cute little preparation of breakfast (at noon, but who cares really?), there was a stash of pancakes, scrambled eggs and hot cocoa with cinnamon (she told him why cinnamon fit so well, he trusted her). There was silence as they ate, but it was not uncomfortable silence as it was the night before. It felt familiar and comforting.

"About last night…" Killian's impossibly blue eyes met hers; making her shiver, heart missing a beat or two. "You were very honest with me, Emma. You trusted me. Thank you."

Emma didn't know how to respond to that. She was moved if anything and tried to hide how her eyes welled up at that. He cared about her; he cared about how she felt and what she needed. She was not used to that… She stood up and moved towards him, settling on his lap and pressing her lips softly against his. He tasted like pancakes and cinnamon and his unique, spicy scent and she was suffocated with all the overwhelming emotions. It wasn't just a kiss. It was a reply she couldn't express in words.

_You helped me. You let me in too. Thank you_

-…

Emma was aware she had to leave at some point and she did. Late in the afternoon, practically forcing herself out the door and tearing her lips away from him or she would stay forever.

-…

"You spent the night? Emma that's great!" Ruby was ecstatic, making Emma regret her decision to tell her the truth. She just rolled her eyes and looked at the brunette with a strict expression on her face.

"Ruby, I don't know what all that meant and I don't want to go around and tell everyone yet. I think it'd be better if we kept it secret, whatever it is…" The truth was, she didn't know what the previous night and that morning meant for her and Killian. She cared, that's for sure, she trusted him enough to share her past, but still, she wasn't sure. Blue eyes popped up in her mind and she couldn't help but silly grin to the memory of his face resting against the fluffy white pillow when he woke up.

"Yeah, right. Just hide your little simper and no one will know." Ruby winked at her and passed her by to get to her room. _Damn it!_

-…

When she lay in her own bed that night, she was missing the feeling of his warm body against her back, and his strong arms around her. It was colder somehow. Then her phone buzzed and the dark room lit up when Killian's text came in. She didn't cringe or roll her eyes like she used to before, she only widely grinned.

**_Hello, love. _**

_Hello to you too. Missing me already?_

**_Well, I thought I'd see how you are doing._**

_The bed is a bit cold if I must say._

**_What a coincidence. I bet my bed would be warmer if you were here though._**

_How about tomorrow, we work the cold out._

**_How about we work it out tonight?_**

Emma wasn't really thinking when she sneaked out of her apartment and drove to his. She wasn't that type of girl, the hopeless romantic who couldn't stay away. Apart from this time. She hesitantly knocked his door and was ready to turn around and walk away once more, but when he opened the door, she froze. He was only wearing his sweatpants and _really _how could she stay away?

"I didn't expect you to actually show up." Killian was softly grinning at her, pure bliss depicted in his eyes and her heart stuttered in her chest. She could feel her own lips curling up in a peaceful smile.

"Well, I did miss you." He moved to the side, allowing her some space to walk in with an extended arm, as he bended in a little curtsey. She heard the door closing behind her and steps following her to the living room. There were cartons of Chinese food splayed on the coffee table and she also noticed the book open on the sofa with a pencil between the pages. He had underlined and made some notes on the same pages she had erased her own. _Same way of judgment _Emma thought with a faint chuckle as she looked at him.

"Not a very fancy dinner the one I have here, but can I offer you something? You like Chinese right?" his hand went to scratch behind his ear and she shifted closer, cradling his head in the palms of her hands and brightly smiling.

"It's perfect." She murmured and gently pressed her lips against his, enjoying the way they moved against hers. His arms hauled her closer and their sweet kiss continued for a while, making her breath hitch in her throat and come out in a light moan. He was the first to pull away and rest his forehead against hers, noses slightly bumping, as the stunning blue of his eyes bore into hers.

"Take a seat then, love."

Each picked a carton of noodles in their hands and they huddled in the corner of the couch in a warm embrace. She held the book for him and they discussed about the paper, since she had already got her own results. Emma tried to point out some things she hadn't noticed, so he could improve his notes and thus, his paper. They stayed up late, making notes, talking about everything and nothing. She was snuggled in his arms, her head against his chest and she could hear his strong, steady heartbeat, which relaxed her even more.

She didn't realize when her eyes fluttered closed, until she woke up in his bed late at night with one arm around her and his nose nuzzled in her shoulder. Emma simply sighed contentedly and drifted back to sleep with a large grin on her face.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys, new chapter up. I really want to apologise for the late update, it's just that real life gets in the way sometimes and my muse wasn't that inspired lately. I know this isn't a very long chapter for an entire month after the last one, but I tried to make it at least somewhat enjoyable. I really hope you enjoy (sorry, last chapter of fluff, I am bringing a bit of angst soon). Thank you so much for all the follows/faves and especially for all these lovely reviews that always leave me with an goofy grin on my face. Love you my beautiful chocolate fudges!**

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Killian didn't really think Emma would show up that night. It seemed as an unlikely scenario in the back of his head, because that wasn't her –not until now at least. Emma ran, always ran. But when he heard the soft knock on his door and found her waiting outside, he couldn't stop his lips from turning up into a wide grin. He was genuinely happy, she trusted him, she didn't run, she came back. He was only dressed in his black sweatpants and there were Chinese food cartons everywhere (it helped him concentrate when he wanted to study), but it didn't matter.

He said a few words he didn't remember, but somehow, he found himself comfortably seated on his sofa, with Emma in his arms and her long legs resting crossed on his lap as they finished any Chinese food left. Her advice on the paper was helpful and he was grateful about that, but what he cherished most was her face when it started softening and relaxing. She drifted to sleep very easily and for a few moments he just remained still and gazed at the beauty that was her. Golden hair splayed on the cushion, long lashes adorning her beautiful shut eyes, pink lips forming a barely-there grin, probably due to a good dream. He regretted nothing about the past couple of days. Emma was all he needed to get over his past and actually have feelings for someone else. It had been a long time since he had felt something so strong about a woman.

During the past few years he had done things he still regretted. Much of it was in a blur because he always drank a fair amount of rum throughout the day. So much he even had whole days missing from his memory. Mostly there were a lot of women. There were times he had committed petty theft, usually for more alcohol. When David found him, years after high school, he was an emotional mess. If it hadn't been for him, he still would be. Things started working out for him; he literally put his life back together, apart from those night terrors tormenting him in his sleep. He slowly made his way to a normal life, studied, got degrees, found small chunks of success through time. Now Emma, she was the first woman that ever made a difference to him after Milah. He didn't think that was ever possible, but she did. She was unique and he liked that about her. Right when he thought of that, she stirred in her sleep, curling up further into his arms.

He stood up and, gently picking her up, carried her to the bed. Placing her down under the covers, he made sure Emma was comfortably wrapped in a big cocoon of warmth and bed sheets and lay down next to her. Killian pulled her into his embrace, shocked she hadn't woken up, and found peace at the fact that she was there with him. He let out a small sigh and allowed himself to find comfort in her soft, slight snore and how her chest rose and fell with her every breath. His eyes fluttered closed before he even noticed.

-…

When Killian woke, it was to a warm wet trail of kisses starting from his neck and reaching his chest. Humming softly, he opened his eyes to see Emma's blond head moving lower down his torso and towards his stomach, continuing her slow adoration of his body.

"Emma, love what are you d -oh."

Before he managed to finish his sentence she was already pressing a light kiss down his abdomen. Her tongue moved to swirl around his length and his breath hitched when she took him all in to the hilt with one confident move. His hand sneaked its way to the back of her head, not to guide her, but to rest there and caress through her blonde curls as she casually picked up her pace. Well, that was an unusual and surprising way for him to wake up. Killian allowed her to go on for a while, enjoying the warmth of her mouth enfolding him, struggling to keep his groans of pleasure back. The warmth of her mouth enfolding him did not make his attempts any easier. He would love nothing more than to let her continue, but there were other things he would much rather do. He grabbed the opportunity to haul her up to the pillow and pin her right beneath him when she slowed to take a breath.

"Good morning, sweetheart." He stared straight into her evergreen eyes, the palm of his hand caressing her cheek.

"And good morning to you."

Emma was smiling widely, eyes sparkling locking with his and staying there, simply gazing.

"Aye. It certainly is."

He pressed his lips against hers in a soft kiss and heard her muffled moan against his mouth. He moved and started placing small kisses down the column of her neck until he reached her pulse point and lightly sucked there, leaving a little mark. His hand found one of her breasts, knowingly kneading before it was replaced by his mouth. That elicited small sighs from her, making him smile against the soft skin of her chest. Emma's back arched from the bed and towards him, giving him better access as one hand traveled down between her thighs, working her slowly but surely, until she was panting and writhing beneath him. He was determined to make her tremble for him,_ because of him_.

Killian gave her a second to recover and then slowly buried himself in her, starting a slow pace and gradually building it up, he wanted her to whine his name. And he succeeded. His hand found a nipple, pinching and soothing as he began to move faster. Her eyes closed and he could now hear clearly all the contented moans coming from her.

"Open your eyes, love." He whispered and she did, looking up at him with a tired smile and eyes filled with lust. They came together as Killian rested his forehead against hers and they relaxed.

After a few seconds he hauled himself from her, so as not to crush her and pulled her in his arms. They both tried to catch their breaths for quite some time before they were able to speak.

"Well, that was…unexpected." Killian murmured into Emma's shoulder, pressing a soft kiss there. She turned around to look at him.

"I just needed you today." Was all she replied, shifting forward to pepper small kisses against his lips, but he pulled her closer, kissing her more firmly. His hand cupped her face, thumbing small circles at her cheek as he deepened their kiss and she seemed astounded when she pulled back. "What was that for?"

"You." He spoke and then quickly took her in his arms, before she could even realize what was going on, and walked them to the bathroom, placing her down and guiding her to the shower. Lips met again and there was quite a distraction from their usual shower routine.

-…

They somehow managed to finish their shower. They somehow ended up in the kitchen with Emma finding all the necessary ingredients to make breakfast. It was a beautiful day, the sun shining through the window and matching their bright moods. Killian thought he wouldn't have that again. Light, happiness, they were just a faint image in the back of his head. However, there they both were, after everything they had been through, floating in their own little cloud of joy, having pancakes and eggs in his kitchen.

"So…any plans for the day?" he asked, taking a slow sip of coffee from his mug.

"I guess I have to start attending classes more often, I need more notes for the end of the term." She replied with a shrug.

"I can give you a ride if you want." He offered, but it was really hard to ignore how Emma's eyes stayed fixed to her plate and her movements faltered as she moved her fork back and forth against it. She remained silent for a while, before she finally spoke, eyes never leaving the plate.

"Killian, I… I'm not sure we should start telling people yet. I mean, I told Ruby and maybe I was comfortable enough to come back last night, but telling everyone and being officially together is... I don't… maybe we should wait and…"

Killian's hand found hers, gently squeezing until she finally looked up and stopped her stuttering. She was scared and nervous and he hated it. If he wanted to be honest to himself, there was that part of him that was slightly disappointed, but he didn't want to push her into anything. They could be anything that made her comfortable. He knew very well how old wounds linger throughout time.

"Emma, love, it's okay. You don't need to worry about that. Everything's fine, you can go on your own, you can tell whoever you want, do anything you want, I won't oppose."

Her hand was lifted from below his and intertwined with his as Emma shyly grinned at him, green eyes beaming as the sunlight shone through the window.

"Thank you." She murmured.

-…

For a few weeks, the same thing went on. Emma showed up at Killian's door, sneaking out of her own apartment and spent time with him. They were okay with keeping their relationship as was, while both of them reached that state with the constant smiles and sweet gazes, talks, embraces, kisses and, well, mind-blowing sex.

They couldn't control themselves when they were together. Killian was never patient, which usually resulted in him pinning Emma against the first flat surface he could find (his favorite spot was the wall next to the door, the one he usually pressed her against, the instant they entered the house) and did incredible things to her. Sometimes it was sweet and slow, one moving against the other in perfect accord and some others rough and passionate, hands desperately trying to find a place to hold on for dear life. They always stayed out of breath in the end curling up in each other's arms.

They almost finished the book, trying to perfect the notes for Killian's paper and spending quite a long time studying together on the couch with Chinese food (a happy habit Killian unintentionally passed on to Emma). The sweetest of moments was when Emma actually spent entire days at his place. The first time she popped her big black glasses on to study, Killian couldn't concentrate. It started as little compliments ("I have never seen anyone look that stunning in glasses, Swan.") and ended with them breathless in a warm cuddle in his bed.

Days were going on smoothly and blissfully when they were together. Apart from the fact that they both knew Killian would have to leave to hand in his final paper and arrange any business he left undone back in England. They simply decided to ignore that part.

-…

When one day Emma left his apartment, Killian did not expect the aggressive knock on his door, thumping and echoing loudly in his apartment. Opening the door, he found a furious David, staring at him with fire in his eyes.

"Ruby told me about you and Emma, I saw her leaving your apartment. Are you insane? You are my friend, but Emma is like my sister, she has been through enough, I won't let you hurt her again, do you understand me?" he spat out moving closer and closer to Killian who was taking small steps backwards.

"Mate, calm down, listen to me, this isn't… it's not just another adventure. Emma is… different. Before you say anything else just, let me explain. " He tried to speak, for the first time fearing his own friend. Most often, David was the one who supported him, not the one yelling insistently to his face.

"Keep talking." David slightly relaxed and crossed his arms in front of his own chest, giving Killian some space to move and, well, breathe.

"She's not another one-time thing. I know that is the only thing I've been capable of for the past few years, but I… I think I'm falling in love with her." He muttered and it was the first time he actually admitted it even to himself. Yes, he had feelings for her, he was falling for her and it was a scary emotion he tried to hold back, but it was there and it grew every single day. David looked at him shocked, but he could see how his expression softened.

"You're what?" there was a soft feminine voice and when Killian looked behind David, Emma was standing right outside the door, dumbfounded, her bright green eyes, goggling at him, even bigger than usual.

"Swan. What are you doing here?" A cold shiver ran down Killian's spine. Emma didn't want to let people know they were dating; she was definitely not ready to hear such big words coming out of his mouth. He didn't want her to run again. He couldn't afford losing yet another person from his life. She slowly started pacing towards him, as David silently watched, carefully walking to the back of the room. He simply stared at her as she moved closer and closer.

"I forgot my purse. What did you just say?" she was now standing right in front of him, her eyes finding his and there was suddenly courage in him. Enough courage for him to admit everything he felt at least once. He was not going to screw things up again.

"I love you." He spoke, still gazing at her as he held his breath, waiting for her response. She didn't say anything; she only shifted closer, wrapping her arms around his waist, nuzzling her nose into the crook of his neck, holding onto him and clutching him firmly against her body. He could hear her heartbeat in that moment, feel it even, as her chest pressed against his. She then pulled back and cradled his head between the palms of her hands, scrutinizing his face as if she was seeing him for the first time. His own heart was now thumping a loud staccato against his ribcage. He didn't need to hear the words, Emma was never good with words anyway, her actions were enough. She flashed a grin at him and he mirrored it.

"I'm still here you know." They heard David's voice and they both began to chuckle, letting go of each other and turning around to face him.

"Ruby told you, didn't she?" Emma huffed, looking at David with a half-frown-half-smile on her lips. Killian snorted a laugh, as his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. They were all right. They were going to be okay.

"She… she really tried. Eventually, she just told me she needed to tell someone or she would burst. She didn't mean… she only… well… Anyway, we'd love to have Sunday's roast with you, you know the family huh?" David babbled trying to cover for his sister and Killian looked at Emma to see if she had the same chuckle he had ready to fall from his lips. She did.

"For what it's worth, we'd love to come if that is an invitation." He said and then gave it a second thought. Was Emma done with wanting to keep their relationship secret? Was she ready to move on? "Right?" his voice lowered, turning around to face Emma.

"Right." She grinned and entwined her fingers with his, standing by his side. He didn't expect Emma to let go of her fears and insecurities so easily. He was happy. Until that day, he hadn't let himself realize how she was starting to fall for him as well. Things were changing and, strange thing was, he didn't really mind. They were moving on. There was finally hope for the future.


	6. Chapter 5

**Hello guys! I'm once again giving you a veeery late update, I'm sorry for that. Anyway, put up with me for a little longer because I will have another one or two chapters till the end. At least the epilogue because I might add any little fluffy chapters in the future if I am inspired. *wink wink* I hope you enjoy this slightly angsty chapter. Thanks to all of you who followed, faved and left a reviewed, I love you to the moon and back.**

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After a few months of dating and having the inability to stay away from each other, Killian asked Emma to move in with him. Surprising her own self, Emma accepted and she was fully settled down in his apartment in only a couple of weeks. It was not that big of a difference, that was where they mostly spent their time together anyway, so instead of feeling pressured and afraid, Emma finally felt like being at home. They were both happy, being in their own little bubble of bliss after all the pain and despair of the past. There were tranquil, quiet moments in bed, days when they just went out to meet friends, or they had friends come over. Everything seemed to fall into place and create a perfect little routine they were both so fond of.

Once, Emma attempted to cook dinner. It was funny really, how she added salt and pepper to the chicken and then forgot that recipe she had read. She had to add some sort of herb or spice, but she didn't really know what. Scratching the little spot behind her ear, she looked at the view outside the window and tried to recall what the recipe instructed. The sun had only just set and the sky was still lavender, colored with pink and orange strikes behind the few clouds that were sprinkled here and there.

"Need any help, love?" she felt Killian's arms wrap around her waist, the bottom of his chin touching her shoulder. _Concentrate Emma. _But her heartbeat still rose.

"Nope. I said I was going to cook tonight and I will. Go, read a book, do something and dinner will be ready, I promise." She said, turning around and resting her arms against his shoulders, the palms of her hands cradling his head. (How hard was it to add a couple of spices and grill the chicken anyway?). His eyes were gleaming and there was a bright simper on his face that made her grin as well. Killian simply hummed in reply and pressed a light kiss to the tip of her nose, making her eyes close just for seconds to his familiar scent. He turned around and she returned to the chicken with a sigh, but before he had fully exited the room she heard his voice coming from the door.

"It's olive oil and basil."

Emma didn't reply, she just tried to hide her giggle until she heard the footsteps indicating he was in the living room.

…

That day was definitely not expected.

Emma returned home from David's one evening. Nothing had prepared her for a gloomy Killian with welled up eyes wallowing in misery on the sofa. The curtains were closed, instantly ensuring a fairly dark atmosphere in the room. There was a glass of rum and an opened envelope on the coffee table and then there was Killian, his face buried in the palms of his hands. He was not crying, or making any noise, he was just sitting there, entirely quiet and worryingly still, staring at the floor. Emma's heart clenched in her chest. She shut the door and walked towards him, noticing that he didn't even turn around to the sudden break of silence.

"Killian? What's wrong?" she took a seat right next to him on the sofa. Her hand moved to caress at the nape of his neck and he finally ripped his gaze from the floor to meet her gaze, eyes sad with tears gathered in the corners which he seemed to be struggling to hold back. The sight before her was heartbreaking, her fingers brushed through the hair at the back of his head, trying to soothe away the lines of worry that had wrinkled on his forehead.

"This letter came in today." Killian muttered and he had never sounded so wrecked before than he was at that moment. "It's from my lawyer back in England. They found enough evidence to prove that Milah's ex had something to do with her death. So it wasn't just a mugging that took the wrong turn, it was murder on intent." He continued, his voice breaking at the word 'death'. Emma was speechless.

"I… don't really know what to say. Are you okay?" She couldn't cope with the way he looked so weak and hurt. She couldn't handle the expression of pure pain on his face.

"I knew, I always knew, I was the one who suggested him as a suspect anyway. It's just… it was my fault, really." He averted his gaze and settled his gaze for the same spot on the floor he had been staring at previously. That was not a choice, though. She couldn't let him blame himself. "If it weren't for me, he wouldn't have been jealous, he wouldn't have attacked her. I had a fight with him that night. I ran into him on my way to a mate. I told him to back off; I said that Milah would never go back to him and that he was insane. I gave him a challenge. It was my fault"

Emma crawled off the sofa and onto her knees, moving right in front of him and cradling his face in her hands, not really leaving him another choice, but to look at her, sad, blue eyes boring into hers.

"Listen to me, Killian; it was not your fault. You are not the one who killed her after all. You can't blame yourself for someone else's wrongs. You loved her, you were there for her and that night you told that man exactly what you should have." She fought to drive the sadness away, eyes never leaving his, trying to make him see what she saw. This entire situation felt wrong; he couldn't feel guilty for something he didn't do.

"You should leave. Before it's too late for you too. Anyone who has ever stayed around me is dead; you should know already, I ruin everything I touch." Killian let the words slip from his mouth and that was when a tear found its way out and slipped down his cheek. Emma's heart stopped in her chest, because he really thought she would leave him and for the first time he was the insecure one. She then stood more straightly on her knees and her thumb caressed the tear away.

"I'm not going anywhere." she said firmly and moved closer, pressing her lips against his. She felt two more tears streaming down his face. At first he remained still, but then his own hands found the sides of her face and pulled her up to his lap, as his tongue met hers. Emma wiped the tears away once more and moved closer to him, lips moving against his more ferociously, and tongue curling around his, before she leaned back and their foreheads met.

"I love you. We'll get through this together, I promise." She whispered against his lips and he nodded. Their gazes still locked, Emma felt him taking in a deep breath. "What do you need?"

"You" he breathed.

And at that, Emma slowly pulled herself out of his arms and stood up, fingers entwining with his as she hauled him up and directed both of them to the bedroom. They paced to the bed and then her lips found his again, kissing him more softly this time. Her hands pulled his T-shirt over his head and snaked their way back up to his broad shoulders, caressing there as she started placing small kisses down his neck. His breathing became unstable and she could feel it, as she kissed a little trail down his torso until her knees hit the edge of the bed and she was settled there. She unhurriedly pulled his pants down, revealing his already hard length and her lips followed a little path from his abdomen down until she could press a light kiss at the tip of him.

"Love, you don't have to." He mumbled and his voice still sounded broken.

"I don't. But I want to."

"No. That's not what I need." He sank in the bed next to her, hands pulling her shirt off her shoulders, before moving to fumble with the button of her jeans and pull them down as well. Emma arched herself into his touch as his lips found a really sweet spot below her ear, moving down her neck and down to her breasts, leaving her breathless. He got rid of her bra quickly, hands and mouth driving her insane, but she wanted to take care of him instead. Pulling him up until his face was right in front of hers, she turned them around so she was on top of him and could feel his quick heartbeat below the palms of her hands. She kissed him, slowly but passionately, as he removed her panties and she lifted up and lowered herself back down until he was seated deep inside her. His deep moan reverberated through his body to hers and she started moving.

It wasn't quick and rough; it was sweet and slow and meant to soothe the pain. His hands were caressing the small of her back and hers were resting against his chest. When they came, they came together, gazes locked, with a sigh and throaty moan, as hips leisurely stopped and lips met once more. Emma moved from his lap then and he pulled her into his strong embrace holding her close as they tried to catch their breaths. There was silence as Emma looked at the light of the streetlights coloring the darkness of the room.

"I will have to go back to England in two days for the trial." Killian spoke after some time and she looked up at him, struggling to keep a straight face at that.

"So how long will you be gone?" she asked and only by the expression of his face she knew he had seen right through her, he had seen the real question. _Are you coming back?_

"As little as possible. I have to be present at court." She nodded a little yes as a reply, and sank further into his arms as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

"I was wondering if you could come with me." He said against her skin and Emma didn't know how to respond to that. He needed her there to support him and help him, there would be so many memories, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't leave everything, she had papers and exams and she couldn't deal with Killian facing his past. In all honesty, she was scared.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Killian." She mumbled, pulling away from his arms and sitting up. He was still lying there, simply staring at her, speechless and the silence was beginning to feel startling. "I mean it is nearly the end of the semester and I have exams and…"

"And it would be too difficult for you. It's okay, Swan." He nodded and Emma didn't expect him to take it so calmly. She turned around to look at him, the same vacant expression on his face. Her heart stuttered in her chest.

"It's not… It wouldn't be. I'll call you every day and we will talk, or we could Skype; I just can't leave everything back." Her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose and moved upwards to brush any unruly strands of hair back and away from her face.

"Sure, I didn't say anything, I understand. It really is fine, love."

She lay back into the warm cocoon of sheets and his arms and looked right into his blue eyes. All it took for her to relax was Killian's kiss on the crown of her head and a reassuring glance before he turned her around and took her in his arms, sinking his face in her hair and breathing her in. Maybe things would be alright…

…

After Killian's departure for England, Emma couldn't shake the feeling of guilt from her mind. That was especially the first day she returned home from university and found unbearable silence and dark empty rooms. She was always very fond of being alone and having some quiet time to herself, but she was used to having Killian around her, his voice in her ear as he approached her from behind and wrapped his arms around her, his scent as she sank in his embrace, his hands caressing her body as he sucked on her collarbone. Now everything was quiet. Too quiet.

That night Emma wore that shirt she had once worn to sleep over because she had had too much to drink as they shared their pasts. She sat on the same armchair with a glass of his rum on her side and turned her computer on. He promised he would Skype her as soon as he arrived to his flat in London. It seemed that she was right on time, as a few minutes (and a few sips of rum) later the familiar sound of a video call filled the still room. Her heart started thumping against her ribcage when she hit accept and a sad Killian with poignant eyes appeared on the screen.

"Hello, love" his lips turned up in a tight smile, but he should know better than to think that this would fool her.

"Hey. Everything alright?" she gave him a reassuring grin, fingers scratching at the back of her head.

"Aye. It's just… I just came across all of my brother's stuff in the flat and it's rather…overwhelming I suppose. How is everything there? Are you okay?"

Emma just stared at him for a while. He was trying to act normal, but nothing was normal about the whole situation. She should have gone with him. She regretted her stupid choice and everything it meant. She should be there with him to help him get through it. She should be able to clutch his hand with hers and tell him everything would be okay. But she wasn't and there was an ocean between them and that awkward silence that made her shiver.

"Sure. Very quiet." That was her reply every single day he asked that question.

He stayed in England for two weeks. They talked on the phone and texted very often and they Skyped every night. The expression on his face was a tad emptier every single day, until the moment he saw her and she tried to make him smile, sometimes achieving her goal. Her heart clenched in her chest when she noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes and the paleness of his skin which deteriorated as time went by. Still, she struggled and managed to stay strong and support him. Killian kept her up to date with everything going on and all the latest details and at least it seemed that the bastard who killed Milah would be punished in the end.

Ruby, David and Mary Margaret were there for her, constantly on her side for anything she needed. She spent very large portions of her day outside and at their place, only going home to sleep and Skype with Killian.

**_How is everything Swan? _**He texted her once while she was at the Nolans' having coffee.

_Fine. David and Mary Margaret are here and sending you their regards. How are you?_

**_Things are in favor of us at court. I expect a positive decision on Friday._**

_That's great, Killian._

**_I'll talk to you tonight, love. I miss you._**

_I miss you too._

…

Killian didn't call or Skype on Friday and Emma lost her mind for the rest of the day. She called him repeatedly, left worried voice mails and texts; video called him and, in general, tried to reach him in any way possible, failing terribly. She stayed at their place that day and on Saturday as well, waiting for any sign of life, until she heard heavy thumps against the door. Rushing to open, she found Killian with his suitcase, resting his weight against the wall outside the house. The dark circles under his red-brimmed, sad blue eyes were the worst they had been in days and she could smell rum in his breath. Lots of it, actually. Her stomach flipped.

"Where the hell have you been? Have you lost your mind? I almost died of concern here and you didn't think you should give me a single call to let me know you are at least alive?" she shouted at his face and for the first time she felt livid. He didn't quail though, staring straight into her eyes, lips curling up into a small grin. She gave him an exasperated sigh, ready to turn around and walk away, but his fingers wrapped around her wrist, stopping her and he moved closer to her (and damn she recalled how he had done that in the past, unable to keep pouting at him) until he had his arms wrapped tightly around her and his face was buried in the crook of her neck. He was definitely drunk, the scent of rum excessively distinct at that point, but she relaxed against him, her arms hugging him back.

"I missed you." He simply mumbled against her skin, placing a small kiss there making her quiver. Emma pulled back then, directing him inside along with his luggage. As she closed the door he was gazing at her, smiling and she didn't really know how to react to that. She walked him to the bedroom until he collapsed on the bed, his eyes instantly fluttering closed. She just snorted out a little chuckle, removing his shoes and belt and dragged the sheets from below him to cover him up, huffing in relief that he was finally home.

"We won." Killian only whispered and Emma lay down next to him, caressing sweetly the hair away from his face and lightly pressed her lips against his forehead. Shifting her position so she could cuddle him, she rested her head on his chest. His light hum made her heart miss a beat and finally, after two entire weeks, she loosened up and allowed her body and mind to unwind, soon drifting away to a peaceful sleep.

_He was okay._

_They had won._

_His breath was warm against her cheek and his chest was rising and falling beneath the palm of her hand._

_He was there with her._


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: I think this chapter took the longest so far and I am so sorry for that. I had a huge writer's blog. No worries, one more chapter and an epilogue are planned. For now, consider this chapter kind of an aoology gift (wink wink) (I may or may have not included a lot of smut...) Thanks to all of tou who stuck with me so far and put up with all the breaks due to my writer's blocks. Thanks to each and every one of you who read/followed/faved/reviewed. You are all my precious little nuggets. Xoxo**

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Killian awoke to a warm bed and Emma clutching him tightly in her sleep, the softness of the sheets and her scent of cinnamon making him feel more peaceful than he had felt in days.

Once out of court, he was relieved, but also broken. After many long trials, they pushed Milah's ex, Gold, to his limits and he confessed. However, when he confessed he mentioned every detail of that night. How he found her, how he hit her repeatedly, how he eventually stabbed her and ran. Killian felt as if someone had a tight grip on his heart and was squeezing tightly. That sick bastard had the nerve to smile at the entire courtroom and say that he regretted nothing.

When they finished, Killian rushed back to the flat and packed everything immediately. He was at the airport before he even knew it, not even having called Emma. He was unsure of whether he didn't call because he wanted to surprise her, or simply because he knew she would ask questions. And he couldn't answer any questions. But the single thought of her was the only thing that helped him keep going all those days. The thought of going back home to her and wrapping his arms around her, nuzzling her hair. He bought a ticket back and waited, but the longer the wait, the more he longed for a drink. By the time he was on the plane, he was already drunk. Nevertheless, his eyes never closed, not for a single moment.

He didn't remember how he got in their bed, or even back home in all honesty. He just remembered the moment Emma opened the door and saw him. He didn't spend much time with all the details though, he didn't have the energy. Not when he was finally away from all the pain and the horrid memories. Not when she was finally standing before him, all golden hair and green eyes. All he had the energy to do was hold her, so he did.

So now he could breathe, at last, and know that everything would be okay. Things would work out from now on.

Emma shifted in the bed and bright green orbs stared up at him. She still had that haziness of sleep in her eyes, but she grinned at him and he simply sighed, fingers moving to softly caress her cheek.

"Hello, love." He spoke and let himself relax when she pulled him closer for a light kiss.

"And hello to you. How are you feeling?" she murmured against his lips and that was when he distinguished the dull ache piercing his head. Well, to be fair, it had been a long time since he had got in the state of drunk he was the previous night.

"Slight headache, but I suppose I'll live." He chuckled in reply and Emma eyed him curiously, a tint of worry rising in her gaze.

"What on earth were you thinking? And what exactly did you do, dive into a pool of rum? You said you won, what happened?" she pulled slightly back and eyed him cautiously.

"We did, it was all just… a bit overwhelming, I suppose." It hurt him how Emma's expression distorted into sadness, her mouth gaping as if she didn't know what to say afterwards.

He talked to her for hours, explained in every detail what happened and he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his chest, as if the burden holding him back was gone and now he could breathe again. Finally.

"I don't want you to feel bad for me, Emma. Besides, I believe this entire effort was actually rather beneficial in the end." Killian's lips curled up slightly, his eyes fixed on the bright green of hers.

"How is that?"

"I finally got closure. And, after all, the person responsible for Milah's death has now received his well-deserved punishment. Do you know how painful and irritating it is to know that the person responsible for a loved-one's death is out there, unpunished and enjoying life? He had gotten away with it, Swan; I bloody loathe him for that. And yes, I had to face my past once again, but now I can finally move on normally. It's over."

"Still, I should have come with you. I'm sorry." She looked down with eyes full of guilt and his heart stuttered in his chest. His hand moved to softly pull her head up to meet his stare, his lips curling up into a grin.

"No need for apologies, love. You were right to feel uncomfortable; I can't blame you for that. But you know what? The fact that you are here now is enough for me. "

Emma was staring at him in shock and before he knew it, she was pressing her lips softly against his, hands caressing his cheeks and moving to rub against his temples. He could discern her subtle scent of cinnamon he was so fond of and he finally let himself relax in her arms. He was home and it was once again her and him. Just the two of them as her lips peppered small kisses at his jaw line. Just the two of them as he flipped them over so he was on top of her. Just the two of them as she sighed against his lips. After everything they had been through it was now just the two of them, so he did as he felt like. He brightly grinned.

They discarded their clothes fairly quickly and Killian was already kissing down Emma's stomach, when the hands she was cradling his head with hauled him back.

"As much as I want this right now, I would rather have another part of your body in me." She whispered, breath uneven, hair disheveled, cheeks deliciously blushed and he couldn't deny her when he crawled back up her body, his gaze always locked with hers.

She quickly flipped them over and, before he knew, Emma was already straddling him, her hips lingering right above his for seconds and then she lowered herself on him. He had missed the feeling of being in her and, as Emma picked up her pace, he moved his hips in tandem with hers, watching her every reaction as if he would lose her in any second. One of his hands rested at the small of her back and the other found one of her breasts, kneading and soothing until she was writhing on top of him. She came with a soft moan taking him along with her as she whispered his name.

Killian pulled her down to him pressing his lips on hers, feeling her quick heartbeat against his own chest when he deepened his kiss. She pulled back and rested next to him, golden, unruly curls tickling his chest as she lay in his arms.

"Swan?" he spoke after a while, receiving a light hum in reply. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

…

Killian walked into the kitchen, finding a nervous Emma striding back and forth, her eyes moving around the room and the plates on the table to make sure everything was perfect.

"You know, love, walking a hole into the floor is not going to change anything." He chuckled resting against the doorframe. She was so beautiful, she was always so beautiful.

"I just want everything to be perfect. They have invited us over so many times and not once did I find a flaw in anything." She looked up at him, a worried expression still drawn on her face.

"Aye, but today is a celebration, Swan." He paced towards her wrapping his arms around her, his eyes finding hers. "It's not every day that you get your degree." He grinned and she mirrored his expression, finally relaxing in his embrace. "I'm very proud of you." He added and brushed his lips against hers in a short kiss.

"Well, you did return that book to me, that's why." She giggled and he was ready to find her lips once more, when the doorbell rung. Emma turned around quickly shouting a little "they're here" to rush to the door and let David and Mary Margaret in.

"Aye, but at some point Dave has to stop ringing my bell at the wrong time." He murmured to the empty room.

They had a lovely dinner, everything going exactly as Emma had planned (of course the food was delicious). As they all returned to the living room and sat around, pointlessly chatting, Killian realized that things were different. He now did have a family.

"So where is Ruby now that she got her degree? I thought she'd meet us here." Mary Margaret asked and Killian's look snapped back at Emma as he tried not to laugh.

"Well, that is probably something David wouldn't want to hear…" Emma threw her a desperate look.

"You know what; I would find it quite amusing to see his reaction if-"

"No, you wouldn't." Emma interrupted Killian with a glare. Ruby had told them that, after all this studying, she was going to spend the next few days just exploring the bars around the area. Certainly not something her older brother would want to hear. "She's fine and she's having fun, that's all you will ever know.

They all laughed at David's disapproving nod.

-…

After Emma was done with her bachelor's degree, she decided to immediately get started on her master's degree. Meanwhile, Killian was finally working on his last and official dissertation for his PhD, so things were working out well for both of them.

Emma usually visited the library whenever she had the time and stayed there to study (she could get distracted at home...). She was home, pretty much around early afternoon. One day, Killian got distracted by his own books and papers and did not realise how quickly time had passed. When he checked, though, the clock read 8 in the evening and Emma still wasn't home. He tried not to panic, but, as time went by, he found that task all the more difficult.

He tried to calm himself by taking a shower and thinking that she probably ran into an old friend and they were catching up, or something equally safe. However, he couldn't shake those little flickers of fear as he remembered how that was exactly what had happened with Milah the night she died.

Killian turned on the TV to shut off his thoughts, unable to concentrate on whatever was playing. He checked his phone to see the time and it was ten o'clock, no phone calls, voicemails or texts. He couldn't stay put anymore. He moved to the window, searching the roads for any sign of her. The sky was dark and there were obvious grey clouds sprinkled around. The road was wet, it had probably rained, and still no sign of Emma's yellow bug. He pulled the curtain over and started pacing up and down the apartment. His heart was beating a quick staccato against his ribcage. He didn't know what to do. He called her for the millionth time, getting no answer and started seriously considering going out to look for her.

That was when he heard the sound of Emma's keys fumbling with the lock. Killian rushed to open the door, clearly surprising Emma, as she stumbled forward and managed to grab the doorknob and his hand right before her knees hit the floor.

"Heeey! The door's open!" she exclaimed trying to regain her balance and chuckling something resembling a slurred cackle. The scent of rum was clear in her breath as he spoke. She was drunk.

"Swan, where the bloody hell have you been?" He closed the door and scowled her as she stood there, clearly needing some time to understand what he was saying. Her, normally, vibrant green eyes were blurry due to all the drinking and Killian tried to keep on his angry face, ignoring the feeling of relief rushing through him. At least she is alive!

"Why, were you worried about me, honey?" she mumbled moving towards him and peppering kissed on his neck, her hands caressing the back of his head.

"Shouldn't I be?" he asked struggling not to think about how her hands started roaming around his chest and to his back, creeping their way into his T-shirt.

"Nope." She simply said against his skin. "Your eyes are so blue, have they always been so gorgeously blue?" she continued as her lips made their way up his jaw and to his own lips. Before he knew it, his back hit the door and Emma was kissing him fiercely, knocking the breath out of him. One of her hands dove into his sweatpants and boxers, finding him already hard, and started pumping him. Killian gasped, silently cursing as his head hit the wood behind him, his breath already ragged. "I say we have some fun now." She whispered to his ear and he shivered. He couldn't resist her, he could never resist her.

He flipped them around so Emma's back was aligned with the wall next to them. "Alright then. Fun it is." He murmured kissing a path down her neck, moving her loose curls off the way. She was wearing that short dress he loved so much and he didn't find the patience to completely discard it, pulling the top of it down along with one cup of her bra. His hand started fondling and caressing, tugging at her nipple until it was hard, his mouth replacing his hand as he repeated his ministrations on her other breast. Emma arched her back, her hands holding onto Killian's head. Her eyes fluttered closed and her hips started grinding against his, creating delicious friction. That went on for a few more moments.

While his one hand continued focusing on her breast, his other hand moved under her dress, pulling her panties down and moving up again, his fingers finding her sensitive flesh and circling her clit making her hiss.

"So bloody wet." Killian muttered, his fingers teasing her slit, but before he could go further, Emma stopped him.

"You, I need you." She whispered, tugging at his sweatpants and boxers until they were mid-thigh down his legs.

"As you wish" he reached for Emma's bag, which she had thrown on the floor when she entered, finding a condom and putting it on. He pulled her dress even higher on her hips, while Emma wrapped her legs around his hips. Killian pressed her even further into the wall as he slowly pushed into her, both of them moaning at the action. He began to move more experimentally, allowing her to get used to his size, but Emma's hips rocked against him more forcefully as she arched further into his touch. His one hand found her breast again, while the other held onto her to keep her more steady.

"More" she whimpered and he lost every single restraint, pumping into her faster and harder, his hand abandoning her breast and searching for her clit. She came moaning his name and taking him along with her, Killian groaning as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. He gently let her legs down, still breathing unevenly, but Emma took his hand and led him to the bedroom. She pressed him onto the bed and removed her dress and her ruined bra, before climbing on his lap. Her lips met his again , kissing him passionately. She removed his T-shirt and pulled down his pants completely before guiding him into a lying position. She started kissing down his body, exploring him as if she had never had him before, surprising him as he grew hard again groaning at her smart kisses. She returned to his lap and slowly sat down on him, taking him inside her once more with a deep sigh. She was moving fast again, fiercely and passionately, but she suddenly slowed her movements and began rocking against him more gently. Killian opened his eyes (he didn't even realise when he had closed them) and found two green orbs focusing on his features before her gaze locked with his. They came together and Emma rested her forehead against his, hair unruly and breath uneven.

Killian could tell something was wrong, but let it pass for the night, allowing her to cover them up with the sheets and lay in his arms, nuzzling his chest.

"Night." She murmured against his skin.

"Goodnight, love."

...

The next morning, Killian woke up finding Emma sat up at he edge of the bed, staring at the wall.

"What happened last night, love." He spoke, making her turn around to face him. She forced a grin and looked at him before she winced.

"I ran into Neal yesterday."


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Okay, I finally did my best and I have quite an early update (only a week). This is the last chapter of this story, but there will be an epilogue as well. I want to thank everyone who read/followed/faved/reviewed. You guys are amazing and you encourage me to go on! *virtual group hug* Anyway, hope you enjoy and I will do everything I can to give you the epilogue soon. xoxo**

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When Emma woke up in the morning, her head was buzzing, piercing pain making her snap her eyes closed again. She had had so much to drink the previous night and she didn't even realise what happened and when. Sitting up, she looked at the bed next to her, finding Killian still asleep and remembered the events that followed her return home. He knew something was up and yet he let her have her way, no one ever cared enough to help her without asking too much, without pushing her into talking when she couldn't. She moved towards the edge of the bed, still only covered in part of the sheet, her legs hanging from the edge and grazing the floor below as she stared outside the window at the sunny street. She picked up Killian's shirt and pulled it on, letting it enfold her body with his scent.

After Emma left the library and started making her way home, she literally stumbled upon Neal, running with such force that made her fall back and hit the pavement. Looking up, she saw him staring at her as if she were a ghost.

"Sorry." He mumbled and turned his back at her, ready to take off. Emma rushed back onto her feet, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him around to face her.

"Neal?" she glared at him and he took a step back pushing her hand off his shoulder.

"Emma." He nodded, infuriating her with his calmness. When he disappeared and let her go to jail was not the last time she had seen him. She noticed him pacing away on the opposite side of the street from her a few years ago, but she didn't have the strength to confront him. She was still hurt and weak. Today was not that day though. She was fuming with rage, because he abandoned her, because he was too much of a coward to take the fault for his crimes, because he ruined her for years afterwards, because she let herself grieve for him. Everything.

She then remembered Killian and how he got her to let her walls down and trust him. Every little insecurity and fear she had, he helped her fight against and she was so grateful for that. She then thought of what he, Ruby, David and Mary Margaret would advise her. To be strong, but not lose her temper, he didn't deserve it.

"Okay, whatever." She managed to say and turned her back to him, ready to take off. Unfortunately, that wasn't a choice, as Neal rushed in front of her, blocking her way.

"What, did I piss you? Is that all? Aren't you going to hit me, or kick me, or at least call me something offensive? Such a disappointment, Emma. As always." Emma was right on the verge of snapping at him or punching him in the face, but she tried to regain control and glare at him, looking straight into his eyes as she spoke.

"What do you want, Neal? Wanna pick a fight, well that is not happening today. Now get out of my way." She remembered how she used to think that what she felt for Neal was love. It wasn't, not really, it was just a naive crush and an idiotically blind trust. As she stood there with him in front of her, all she felt while his eyes inspected her from bottom to top was disgust. He was a man who only knew how to take advantage of people and weak moments. She deserved so much better and, quite honestly, she now had better. In the past, he would have broken her, but now, she was strong enough to not care about anything he said.

"Fine." He shrugged and moved to the side, finally granting her access to leave. Emma instantly started walking away, but she then changed her mind. He got away too easily.

"You know what? I have something to ask you." She said, turning around to face him, finding him waiting, as if he knew she would go back, his arms folded in front of his chest. "How does it feel to be such a coward and leave someone else go to jail for you?" she bit out, a snarky snicker on her lips.

"Oh, it was great. I got the cops and you off my back. Double victory. Plus, I got to take off with Tamara, my... girlfriend." He smiled and his smile made her gut twist. Audacious, disgusting bastard.

"Well, at least an eighteen year old girl was more of a man than you." She snorted a laugh out and his smile was instantly erased from his face. He grabbed her wrists and pinned her against the wall next to them. Emma simply smiled sarcastically, her head pointing to all the people behind them who stopped and were now looking at them.

"Screw you." He growled, his face inches from hers,

"No, Neal, screw you." she pushed him away from her and looked at him. He was wearing rags and seemed awful and that made her feel so good. "You deserve your misery just as much as I deserve my new life. The life I got after I finally got rid of you. A happy one." She smiled at him and turned around, already walking away as she threw a 'goodbye' over her shoulder.

She now couldn't understand how and why she found herself at a bar after that, gulping down glasses of rum, so many she didn't keep count. Were they four? Five? Four and a half? And then she got home and practically used poor Killian, who so kindly let her. He was worried about her and she was such an idiot that she didn't even text him that she was okay, at least alive. She shook her head , regretting most of her actions. While she tried to recall more events from the previous day, she heard Killian shifting behind her.

"What happened last night, love?" he spoke, his voice still husky from sleep, but his tone indicating pity. She didn't like pity, but she kind of deserved it after acting so foolishly. She turned around and grinned at him, wincing when she realised she actually had to tell him about everything.

"I ran into Neal yesterday." She replied, determined to finally get rid of that horrible feeling she carried around after she met the idiot. She wasn't hurt by his words and, although she was mad at him for ruining her life, she was more angry at herself, because she let him. When they met she didn't see him for what she used to see him, she saw him for who he really was. A scumbag. A rude man, who had no problem hurting her or anyone else. He cheated on her and Emma was angry at herself, because she could have seen right through him. He took advantage of her naivety and she didn't even notice back then.

Emma told Killian all of that. She told him how her insides twisted when she realised he was the one who bumped into her. How she felt like a complete idiot for having been around him for a year and not having known since the first moment she saw him. All Killian did was hold her hand and listen to her, his fingers entwined with hers as he encouraged her to go on.

When Emma was done, he grinned at her and told her how everything was fine now, how she would never have to see him again and how she was too hard on herself. He caressed her cheek and pressed his lips against hers for brief moments, before his arms wrapped around her and pulled her deep in his embrace. He held her close, her head resting on his shoulder and Emma was relieved, her own arms wrapping around him. How is it possible that she thought what she had with Neal was love when this existed? Emma simpered when she thought how Killian was actually in this for the long run and never abandoned her, o planned to.

When they pulled back, Killian was still grinning at her, his bright blue eyes adoringly focused on her.

"Can I interest you in some breakfast?" he spoke, gaze locking with hers and she nodded. He stood up, pulling his sweatpants on and ready to make his way to the kitchen, but she stopped him.

"Killian?" he turned around, looking at her. "I love you." She smiled and he mirrored her expression and moved to place another small kiss on her lips.

"I love you too."

...

When they got to the kitchen the sun was shining, the house bright with the light coming from the windows. Emma gazed at Killian (still shirtless) as he cooked breakfast, making her favourite, blueberry pancakes and cinnamon hot cocoa. All that along with an aspirin, because her hangover was rather obvious. He served their food and sat on the chair beside her, giving her an encouraging grin and squeezing her hand for a brief moment before digging in to his food. They finally changed the topic of the conversation, Killian making her chuckle at some ridiculous story.

Emma relaxed and she suddenly couldn't care less about the events of the previous day. She was home, she was happy and she could relish in that. She rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, letting the warmth of the morning seep into her skin and the scent of cooked pancake fill her lungs. As if of its own accord, her hand moved to his bare chest, her fingers running through the hairs there.

"Shall we take a shower, love? I sense you may need... refreshing." He spoke, his voice hoarse and husky, almost like a whisper. The palm of his hand started caressing her bare leg (his shirt was barely covering her mid-thigh)

"Hmm, I do believe that is a good idea." She purred, moving from her position on his shoulder to press little kisses to his neck.

"Aye." He said, as he picked her up from her chair and guided them to the bathroom.

Aye indeed!

...

They went on with their day pretty normally (thankfully that aspirin worked for Emma) and decided to spend a quiet evening at home. Killian was working on his dissertation as Emma approached him from behind, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing a feather light kiss to his temple. She sensed him relaxing under her touch, his head leaning back and resting against her shoulder.

"Any progress here? You have been working for hours." She murmured, looking at him as he turned his head to face her.

"Love, even I find it hard to believe, but I think I've finished!" he beamed at her, his azure eyes sparkling.

"Really?"

"Almost... I mean, I do have to proofread, but the hardest job is done, Emma, I'm nearly done!" he stood up, picking her up and swirling her around once, before placing her down again and leaning in for a kiss. As their lips locked and tongues met, Emma lost her sense for a moment, but they were interrupted by a ring on their doorbell. Throwing each other a curious glance, they parted, Killian going to answer and Emma following.

Emma noticed Killian signed something and returned, closing the door behind him, with a guitar in its case in his hand.

"It's here. I didn't want to carry it with me at the airport, so I had it sent from England and it's here." He said, almost whispering, gazing at the guitar with love, a grin on his face.

"You play the guitar?" Emma asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise. She had no idea he could play music and it made her see him differently, even more attractive somehow.

"Aye, ever since I was a wee lad. This was actually my mother's guitar, the only thing I ever had of hers. She taught Liam and he taught me." He looked up again and she noticed his grin was not happy anymore. It was melancholic, the rest of his features rather gloomy.

"Can you play for me?" she asked sheepishly, her eyes finding his and trying to determine how true his answer would be. She didn't know whether that was something he did privately, only for himself, or if he enjoyed playing for others as well. He agreed, though, and he seemed quite enthusiastic about it, which Emma found adorable.

They settled in the living room, Killian removing the guitar from its case. Despite its age, the guitar was well-preserved, only a couple of scratches at the bottom. The wood it was created from was a light colour, rather beige-ish and the circle around the sound box, along with the tear it ended in, were black. The arm of the guitar was made by a different kind of wood, dark and gorgeous, the difference making the instrument much more unique. The way Killian held the guitar mad him look as if it completed him somehow, the curves of the wood resting against his chest.

"Stunning." Emma spoke, Killian's eyes moving from the guitar to his face. "Your guitar, it's stunning." She specified.

"Aye. She's a marvel." He replied, his lips turning up into a soft smile once more.

He made sure everything was tuned and he was ready to play. When Killian's fingers made contact with the strings and a soft melody started coming from the instrument, Emma's heart stuttered in her chest. The man could play guitar. She watched his one hand as it danced against the frets and then his other hand stroking the strings and just stared, the music going from her ears straight to her heart. However, she was not prepared for the part where his voice came in. Deep and soft like velvet, sending shivers down her spine. He kept on singing along with the music and Emma remained speechless, gazing at his face and how his eyes fluttered closed every time he had to reach a higher note. It was as if he was pouring his soul into the song. He finished and, for a moment, she kept looking at him quietly, unable to express herself in words.

"Killian that was so beautiful" she finally said, still shocked at how food he was.

"Really?" he looked at her with an excited, impressed look, as if he didn't think so and she surprised him. His dimples appeared more clearly with his smile and Emma's heart missed a beat once more.

"Really. Was that song yours?"

"It was actually. I wrote it a few years ago. I wasn't sure you would like it." He scratched that spot behind his ear, as he always did when he was nervous and she just grinned at him.

"Please play some more." She begged and he gave in, returning to the guitar and playing a few more songs for her, making her all gooey inside. She was stunned and she just couldn't resist that incredible voice of his. The last song he played, he mentioned he wrote when he was in England for the trial and it was for her, because she was the only thing that kept him going. He spoke of golden hair, emerald eyes and a strong but gentle soul in it and she just couldn't resist rushing next to him and pressing a passionate kiss against his lips. Moaning, he cupped her cheek for a moment before pulling back and looking her up and down.

"You know what? I could teach you." He said brightly grinning and she raised a brow in disbelief. She never played any instrument, despite her love for music, so she didn't think she could make it. "Come on."

Killian placed her at the end of the sofa and moved right behind her, so that she was between his legs, his chest flat against her back and the guitar resting at her lap. She leaned against him, unable to help it, a spark running through her bones. He took her hands in his and placed them on the right position on the guitar and then he started moving the fingers of her left hand around the frets at the arm of the instrument. Seeming quite content with the strings she was currently pressing, he stopped.

"You see, Emma, there are two basic kinds of chords before all the rest. There are major chords..." he stroke the strings with her right hand and then changed the way her left fingers were arranged. "...and minor chords." He continued, repeating the action on her right hand. "Major chords have a cheerful sound, whereas minor chords sound more gloomy." He went on, whispering everything mere inches from her ear and making her breath hitch. He showed her a few chords and told her how to change one after the other and how her hand should strike the chords and then leaned back, letting her do as he taught her.

Emma did well. Quite honestly, she could understand why Killian enjoyed playing so much. There was just something about the way the music came out so softly and vibrated against her chest through the wood. She could actually feel it in her heart. She had never perceived music this way and it was quite the unique sensation. So expressive and emotional, she was aware why some people see their instruments and their music as something so personal.

Turning around, she looked straight into his blue eyes and simpered when he told her she appeared to be a natural. He removed the guitar from her hands, letting it sit on the coffee table next to them and caressing her cheek as he pulled her in for a kiss. She responded by fully turning to him, climbing to his lap. Her hands started pulling his shirt up and in just a few seconds, they had discarded all their clothes.

Killian flipped them and pressed Emma to the soft fabric of the sofa and into a lying position, kissing a path from her neck down to the swell of her breasts. Emma sighed and breathed more harshly, arching into his touch as he tugged and massaged one breast with his hand and bit, licked and sucked on the other with his mouth. He then kissed his way lower, until he was between her legs.

Spreading her legs further to accommodate himself, he pulled one over his shoulder and got closer to where she was aching for him. Her breath was already hammering against her chest and she couldn't hold back a whimper as his mouth began to tease her. She held his head in her hands, encouraging him to go on by running her fingers through his hair and massaging his scalp. Killian took his time, building her orgasm slowly and as his fingers joined his mouth, Emma started falling, moaning his name as her hands gripped his head tighter.

He then crawled up so he was right on top of her, his eyes staring straight into hers as he gave her some time to recover before he pushed in. He moved slowly, his hands roaming around her body, one finally settling on her breast, doing wicked things to her, while the other brushed an errand curl of hair away from her forehead. He leaned in and kissed her, taking her breath away and picked up his face. Her legs wrapped around his hips and she changed the angle so that he was hitting her even deeper.

When Emma came for the second time, her toes curled and she pressed her lips to his to muffle their cries, Killian following her in an instance. He relaxed on top of her, his forehead resting against hers, his hand taking hers and twining their fingers together.

They tried to catch their breaths before they could move. As soon that was possible, Killian stood up, taking Emma in his arms and carrying her to their bed.

"You know you don't have to do this, right? I am kind of heavy." She chuckled, gazing at his eyes, unable to look away.

"Aye, I don't have to. But I want to." He shrugged, placing her down on their bed and covering her up with the sheets. He climbed up as well and wrapped one arm around her as she rested her head on his chest, silly grins on both their faces.

"You know, I was never the cuddly type. Only with you." Emma said after a while. Looking up, she saw Killian having already fallen asleep, serene and quiet, his lips still a bit turned up. There was a little strand of his dark hair covering his forehead and she couldn't resist the urge, her hand caressing it away and then thumbing at the little scar on his cheek, right below his eye.

Killian once told her he and his brother used to pretend to be sword-fighting when they were kids. When their father was sober once and he was in a good mood, he made a fake wooden sword for each of them. Once, they were playing in their yard and Liam accidentally scratched him. Turns out that small little scar lasted throughout the years.

Emma smiled and noted that he hadn't even shifted (her touches were very light), so she pressed a small kiss to his temple and lay down once more.

"Of course, I have never loved anyone the way I love you." She whispered and moved further into his embrace before adding her last words. "Goodnight, Killian."


	9. Epilogue

**A/N: So this is the epilogue guys. I might add one more shkrt chapter, because I do have something in mind, but tbis js basically going to wrap this story up. I just want to say how grateful I am for every single one of you who spent afew precious minutes of their lives to read this story and even follow/fave/review. When I started writing this story I didn't exoect many would care and I was overwhelmed by tbe number of people who did. I never expected that. So I suppose what I am trying to say is thank you so much, you encouraged me to keep going and not give up on this story and I love every single one of you! *hugs***

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Three years later...

As they walked into Killian's house in England, Emma felt a shiver running down her spine. She could recognise all the features of a house that used to be a home until it just wasn't. There were boxes spread around, some things packed in them, some others still laying around. Pictures of Killian and another man (Liam, she assumed), their arms thrown over each other's shoulder, older pictures, obviously the same men as children, books and papers on shelves, everything a bit dusty and old, lying around, untouched for three years. There was also that scent, the scent a house has when it hasn't been visited, when the windows have been shut and dust has been gathering around because it hasn't been lived in for a long time.

Killian started opening windows and drapes to let some light and fresh air in, revealing the misery reverberating through the walls. Misery because this house used to be a fresh start and then became a bitter end. Emma started wandering through the living room, looking at the pictures on the walls, on the shelves, piling up on the desk at the corner of the room. She picked one from the pile and turned to Killian.

"You and your brother?" she asked, offering a reassuring smile. He took it from her hands and inspected it, grinning melancholically.

"Aye. He and I had gone to watch a football game together, our team won. We had a splendid time that day and thought we could use a photograph to remember that wonderful day." He replied, handing her the picture and pointing to the hat Liam was wearing. "If you recall, we still have that cap in our house, it's in the wardrobe in that box on the top."

Emma nodded and pointed to another photograph. It was placed in a silver frame on a shelf. It was of a woman with light brown curly hair and bright blue eyes in a white dress with tiny blue flowers as a pattern. She was brightly grinning and posing with her hands resting on her waist, her head slightly tilted to the side.

"And who is that?"

"That would be my mother." He replied, getting the picture in his hands and giving it to her. "While our father still retained a bit of his sanity, he told us this was from the day she found out she was pregnant with me. The two of them took Liam to the park for a picnic to tell them he would have a wee brother. We kept it through all these years."

Paying closer attention, she noticed that the colour of her hair reminded her the one of Liam's and her eyes were exactly like Killian's. Same shade of blue, same sparkle and the same tiny little specs of darker blue adorning her irises. Her lips turned up and she felt her eyes watering, her sight blurring for a brief moment as a tear streamed down her cheek.

"Emma, what's wrong?" Killian immediately wrapped one arm around her, his other hand softly thumbing that lonely tear away.

"You should have met her." She choked out, looking up to find his eyes. "You deserved to have a happy family and a happy childhood." She added, her hand moving to caress the back of his head, his gaze locking with hers.

"It's alright, love, it has been a long time since then. Besides, I am happy now." He leaned in and pressed a feather light kiss against her lips, before pulling back. He took the picture and placed it back up on the shelf before turning around to find Emma staring at her hand.

She was looking at the ring, resting beautifully on top of her finger. A simple silver ring, with a gorgeous azure rock with subtle flicks of turquoise in it. Killian proposed to her a couple of months ago and told her that Liam gave him this ring to give it to the woman he would love, found it in one of his travels as a captain.

"She would approve of you, you know." Killian spoke, pacing towards her and gently embracing her. Emma looked at him in disbelief and he just grinned. "After everything I've heard about her, I am sure she would love you and welcome you to the family."

She just smiled in reply, resting her head against his shoulder and squeezing him against her.

"Come on. You said we should pack and prepare the house for the new owners. Let's pack." She took a step back and winked, taking an empty box in her hand. He just chuckled and followed.

...

After most things were packed, they had one more thing to do, visit Liam's grave. As they paced on the paths through the graveyard, Emma got that feeling she always had in such situations. A chill down her spine, a shiver, there was just something about that darkness surrounding everything she just despised. It wasn't because of the usual reasons people give for such behaviour, sensing another presence or an unworldly breeze enfold her, for instance. All that was foolish imaginary fiction as far as she was concerned. She could simply fully comprehend how easy it is to lose happiness, how quickly people can drown in grief, or get sucked out of this world and away from everything they held dear. Emma didn't sense supernatural chills, she sensed pain and misery and so much grief.

Killian stopped in front of a beautifully carved stone, placing down the flowers they had bought on their way there. He simply stood for a few seconds and then he started talking, taking Emma by surprise.

"Hello brother. It has been a long time since I last visited you. I suppose I had quite a good reason for that though. I remember how you always told me that I was stuck in the past, that I could move on, but I simply refused to. Well, now that I have, I see why you wanted this for me. I am finally happy, brother, happier than I've ever been in my life actually. And I owe it all to this woman. Liam, I want you to meet the future Mrs Jones, Emma Swan, the woman I love." He spoke, his voice husky as he did.

Emma was speechless, she was never good with words anyway. So she just leaned her head against his shoulder and let her hands fold around one of his, fingers entwining as she pressed a small kiss to his shoulder.

"I wish I could have met him. From what you've told me, he sounds like a wonderful man." She murmured, holding onto him even more tightly.

"Aye, I wish you had met him too. He would have liked you." He smiled at her and rested his head against hers for a few brief moments. Then he pulled back. "Shall we go, love?" he asked, clutching her hand his eyes finding hers as she nodded.

...

They were walking down the street in London to the house for their luggage when she suddenly realised how real everything was. These past years had seemed like a dream so far, making her think she would wake up any moment. But that was when Emma understood how real what they had was, how they were getting ready to spend an entire life together. It sure was easy to lose everything, but, it turned out that, after she let her walls down, it was easy to find happiness as well. She didn't even notice she had stopped and was standing, frozen, in the middle of the pavement, until she heard his voice trying to catch her attention by repeating her name followed by a "love".

Emma turned around and searched for these blue eyes that had so unexpectedly enchanted her. Her gaze locked with Killian's and she beamed brightly, taking his hand in hers once more and guiding him to start walking once more.

"Swan, are you okay?" he asked, one eyebrow raising before he looked at her.

"Sure. Just got lost in my thoughts for a second there." She chuckled and threaded her fingers with his, as they continued their way down the street. Home isn't a place, or a house, it's a feeling and the person anchoring you to that feeling is what eventually becomes home. That was what they found in each other after al, these years, what they had never truly managed to have, home.


End file.
